Raised On Country Sunshine

Vision

2012-02-15T13:14:00.006-05:00

My miscarriage has continued for the past 48 hours, and time is still marching on. Sometimes I wish the clock would just stop, just for a little bit, so that I could climb into my bed, pull the covers up over my head, and have a little bit of time alone to sort all of this out in my head. But so far that has not happened, the clock stopping, so I just keep pressing forward. We did have a nice, quiet (as quiet as a house with five teenagers and three children can be!), Valentine's day yesterday. After we completed our school assignments in the morning, the girls and I baked Boss a peanut butter and chocolate trifle. We sure do love Boss, and he sure loves peanut butter and chocolate, so we figured that would be a nice surprise for him. The girls got to lick the bowl, so they were happy campers. We also decorated the house with all of the party supplies I had intended to use for our baby announcement party the evening before. After dinner my little ladies took a candlelit bubble bath, and we all agreed that this day had been better than the one before it.

Today, I had to drive back to the hospital for a follow up blood draw. I won't know until this afternoon what the results are, but basically, if the numbers have gone up there might still be hope, but if they have gone down, I have indeed miscarried. My heart already knows the results. It seemed cruel that I had to first explain to a stranger why I was there, and then that I had to sit in a waiting room full of women with large, lovely, baby bellies, who were there getting their glucose tests or a variety of other things done. It didn't matter to me that I had three healthy children at home. I know there are some families who have lost living children, some who have experienced multiple miscarriages, some who have no children at all to love. I know how blessed I am, I feel it and am thankful, and I know that this miscarriage is not a tragedy. It is a disappointment. But I did want this particular child. I wanted the September birthday, exactly two and a half years apart from Jack, and I wanted all of my children born in even numbered years. It was supposed to be 2004, 2006, 2010, and now 2012. (I never said that I was normal! Ha!). So for two days I have been mourning (pouting about?) all of the things that I had wanted this pregnancy to mean for our family's future. It has not been pretty.

It was when I was sitting in the chair, when the tech was about to stick me, that I noticed it. I had turned my head away so that she would not see my tears, when my eyes took notice of the picture on the wall. Perhaps it was a picture of a rainbow? I am not certain, but I am certain about what the caption at the bottom said. The picture was entitled VISION, and the line underneath read:

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." ~ Marcel Proust

And right there in that plastic hospital chair, my heart was given a clear vision for the first time in days. Perhaps years. Life is not about where I am or what happens to me. It is how I see it and what I do about it that matters! Essentially, it is all about perspective! I know I have heard this particular lesson preached before, probably from my mother, but it took root in my soul in a new way for me today. My life has been sorely lacking vision. It was sorely lacking before I lost this baby, and it will continue to lack if I don't begin to open my eyes and look around me at what is really there, instead of only looking at what I want or desire to be there.

I have felt restless for quite some time. Years, really. Always thinking that changing this, or doing that will make things better. Add some spice to my life. I am ashamed to admit that I have even felt that way about having children. When you are pregnant, even if you are doing nothing, you are still doing something! Growing a person! But, oddly enough (or not really oddly at all), it never does. The change never lasts forever and the new thing never stays new. The babies grow up into delightful little people and need me less and less. They find their independence, while I am left still wondering what I am going to be when I grow up. And before long I feel restless once again. But sitting in that chair this afternoon, I realized that I don't need new circumstances. And I don't need a new life. I certainly would have loved a new baby, this baby, but what I most desperately need is a new set of eyes.

I don't know why I could not keep this particular baby. I sure wish that I had been able to. But I know that God knows why, and that this is just a tiny part of my entire story. A tiny person, a tiny part of the big picture, but a big part in perhaps giving this Mama a new set of eyes. A new life created that ended up giving me a new way of looking at life. And that feels pretty amazing. I know that God is at work, and I can't wait to see how He finishes this chapter. I have my eyes wide open, and I am ready to see.

Celebrating Life and Love

2012-02-13T21:30:00.004-05:00

About a month ago I found out I was expecting number four. A new blessing to love! I have always wanted a large family, so my heart was overjoyed at the thought. Four children! Me, the mama to four little ones! I felt complete awe that God, in His goodness, had chosen to allow me to grow another tiny one in my womb. It was a very happy time. For the first time ever, I decided to keep my pregnancy a secret. Usually I shout my pregnancies from the rooftops (or yell excitedly about them into cellphones), but this time I decided to savor it. I wanted everything to be perfect. No blurting it out or making a fool of myself in my happiness. This time needed to be sweet and special.

I waited 48 whole hours before I told Boss. I didn't know when, exactly, I was going to tell him, I just knew that it needed to be special. A moment that he would never forget. 48 hours later and our moment arrived. We were standing in a space that has to do with some of our upcoming changes, when Boss suddenly pulled me into his arms and began praying with me for our family, our life, our children. This type of togetherness is new, and oh so special for us. It still makes me catch my breath when he draws me close and prays to our Father on our behalf. There are not many sweeter moments in life than praying with your love for your life together, so when he ended the prayer, I whispered it. I told him that he was going to be a daddy again. His eyes filled with tears and shown with such joy and tenderness at the news. Creating a new life together never gets old! Afterwards, we went out to dinner to celebrate!

The next month went by and we told very few people. A few family members knew, a few friends. But to most, we kept this new life growing inside of me a secret. It was actually kind of exciting! And during this past month we planned out how we were going to tell the children that they were going to be getting a new sibling. I decided that I wanted to tell them around Valentine's day. I have always wanted to incorporate a pregnancy surprise into a holiday, and this was my chance. Besides, what better way to celebrate a day of love, than by celebrating a new life that was created in love? I planned every last detail of our surprise party. There were going to be streamers, balloons, and confetti. We were going to have a bistro style meal of sandwiches, soups, and salad, with my mom's strawberry cake and chocolate trifle for dessert. I made each of the children shirts with numbers on them that told of their birth order. Emma 1, Kate 2, Jack 3, and a tiny onesie with a sweet little 4 on it. Each child would get to open their goody bag filled with their shirt and treats, and then together they would open the package with the onesie in it and see if they could figure out the surprise.

Besides our children, grandparents would be our guests of honor. My sweet and talented photographer friend, Heather, took pregnancy announcement photos for us, and we were going to gift the grandparents with a little album each. I could barely imagine the joy that was going to be surrounding our table once the surprise was figured out. My own heart nearly burst at the sight of four small shirts laid out on my bed! I had never felt more lucky or blessed.

All month long I had been talking up this surprise with the girls! Their guesses of what it was ranged from a tea set, to headbands, to a movie, a pony, a board game, a new brother or sister, to a trip to Disney World! My favorite part? They actually would have been happy with any of those gifts. But when I asked them what they wished for the very most, a new sibling and Disney World always topped the list! Our party was supposed to be tonight, and last night the girls were so excited they could hardly sleep! We were all ready for today to arrive!

My mom showed up early this morning to take the kids for the day, so that I could finish shopping, decorate the house, and cook. But as soon as she pulled away from my house it happened. I started to bleed. I knew what was happening before I even went to check. And my heart crumbled into a million little pieces. I called Boss at work and he came home to hug me. Since I had not seen a doctor yet, we decided to just go to the emergency room. And two ultrasounds later revealed what my heart already knew to be true. This tiny little one was not meant to be a part of our family here on this earth. Where I should be nearly eight weeks along at the very least, the screen only showed a pregnancy that looked to be around five weeks. There is a very slim chance that my dates are simply wrong and it is still too early, but combined with my bleeding that is not likely. Most likely I will never hold this fourth little one in my arms, and it is funny how you can miss someone so much that you never even had the chance to meet. We drove home in silence with orders to come back on Wednesday for a final blood draw, but my head already seems to know what the answer is going to be. My heart is simply having a hard time accepting it.

When we got home we pulled our bigger babies onto our bed and told them the news. That we had wished so much that we would be celebrating the news of a new life with them tonight. Sweet sisters cried over their tiny brother or sister that they will never know. We hugged and held, and my heart did begin to feel better. Somewhere in the midst of the hugging and loving, someone suggested that we celebrate anyway. Because there was in fact a new life created and we do in fact have love. So that is what we did. We ordered Chinese food and ate cake. Jack made us all laugh, and we talked about heaven and whether we thought this baby would have been a boy or girl. We did celebrate both life and love tonight, just not in the way that I had imagined we would.

I have not lost hope that this baby might make it, because I know that my God can do ANYTHING, but I am simply praying that whatever the outcome, that I draw nearer to Him than I was when this started. Isn't that really the point of anything? To find God in everything? And I know that He is here. Waiting to bring me to Him whether I end up rejoicing or mourning.

Oh, sweet baby number 4. You were already wanted and loved by everyone in our family. You will always hold a special place in my heart. I was so excited to be your mama! Your daddy and I had already talked of you often and dreamed about your life. My arms sure wish that they could hold you. We will always celebrate your life, no matter that it was short. You will always be loved.

Swirling Thoughts

2012-02-07T16:01:00.003-05:00

Lately, my brain has been a jumbled mess of swirling thoughts. I feel restless inside. The weather here in our part of the state has been much warmer than is typical for this time of year, so perhaps I am suffering from an early spring fever? Yes, we will go with that. With the weather being so pleasant, I have been going for afternoon walks. Me, alone with my thoughts in the midst of creation. I find peace there, when I am walking with my Creator. Lately, I find the need to be constantly communicating with Him. Changes (more than one!)are soon coming for our little family, which I will share on these pages soon, and I need His help to make sense of it all. I have written much lately on simply going through the motions of life, as that is what I feel I have been doing for so long. But lately I feel as though I am slowly starting to come alive. It is a little bit scary, a lot exciting. Thoughts, hopes, plans, and dreams constantly swirl through my mind. I think much on the kind of person, wife, and mother I want to be. I think long on the kind of mark I want to leave on this world. I want to make a difference. I want my contributions to God's kingdom to matter. He has gifted and blessed me with so many things. I want to make Him proud. I like to think of my life as a story that God is writing. If my life were a story (and I LOVE stories), I would look at my childhood and growing up years as the introduction. The foundation was laid, the characters introduced. And these last eight years of marriage? The beautiful beginning chapters. There were good parts, and bad, but all of the chapters have had a resounding sweetness to them. I have lived simply, and fairly contentedly. Enjoying the seasons and chapters we were in. But now the seasons are about to change, and our family is soon to head in a new direction. We are beginning a new chapter. Change is in the air, and change is deep in my soul. But I feel as though it is going to be good. I have big plans, and bigger prayers. Thank goodness I serve a Big God! I am so excited to see what these new chapters will bring. Hopefully, through the good and the bad, they will show that I am a person, and that we are a family, who is slowly becoming alive to all that we were meant to be. As we delve into the next pages of our life's story, I will continue to share here. In my study the other day, I stumbled upon a verse I had never taken notice of before. "Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord." Psalm 102:18 This is exactly my heart's desire. That as I record my story here, and the story of our family, that we will leave a lasting story of a family who loved the Lord and served Him. That when we look back through these pages that we will see God's goodness, His wisdom in timing, and answered prayers. Yes, I am excited for our new chapters to begin. And I am always excited to see God's hand at work. May our lives glorify Him!

Happy Birthday to Boss

2012-01-10T22:29:00.002-05:00

Today, the man I love turned 35. Nearly a decade ago we met. Me, nearly 20, him a bit older. Wiser. I could tell right away that he was a hard worker. And I liked the way that he smiled. He was shy, quiet, but confident. When he called me on the phone my heart beat faster, and when he reached for my hand I could think of nothing else. Only him. But after nearly a decade of loving each other, I have let some things slide. Too many things. Now when he calls from work, I often greet him with stress, frustration, or worry. Or I rush him because I am too busy. Too busy to talk to the man that I love? And when he reaches for my hand, I might give his fingers a quick squeeze, before separating to referee this or that with the children. The love is still there. I know this. It often just gets buried. Buried under responsibilities, and work, and children, and lists. Buried under life. So for his birthday, I decided to strip away some of the ruble and find the love again. The new love feeling. My gift to him, the man I love. I asked for a few days off from work. I sent the children off to my parents. A night on the town for the two of us. Just what we needed. The cell phones went away. When we talked over supper, we looked into each others eyes. Focused on nothing else. When we went to the movies we sat in the back, just like the old days. And when he reached for my hand? I held on, willing him to know how much he is loved. How much he is valued and appreciated, for the way that he loves our family. For the way that he works hard and leads our family. And in case he couldn't feel it, all of my love, I told him. Out loud. Because sometimes words of affirmation aren't said often enough. A night together, alone, was just what we needed. Because the feelings are still there. Sometimes we just have to work a little harder to find them. But that's okay. He is worth all of the work in the world. Our love is worth it. And I know that he would say the same. Happy Birthday, Ben. I will forever be glad that you were born.

Living Well

2012-01-01T23:20:00.005-05:00

I love the start of a new year. I love the thought of a clean slate. A fresh year with no mistakes in it. I love that hope and possibilities and dreams seem endless. But that's me. I am a dreamer. I view life through rose colored glasses. Sometimes I love this about myself. Sometimes being a dreamer makes it hard to face reality. And the reality of my life is that I have been going through the motions for far too long. My head in the clouds, my mind on my dreams. Most often thinking, planning, organizing. Too much time spent on these things. Not enough time spent living. At least not living well. Not the kind of living that ends each day with a contented sigh. A sense of fullness in my heart. A sense of closeness with my Savior. Assurance that I am walking in his will. Instead, most days, I feel a bit out of control. As if life is passing me by and I am hanging on for dear life. Desperately desiring to walk closer with my Creator, but being too lazy to do anything about it. It is far easier to hang on for dear life and then complain about the direction this life is headed, then to actually take the reigns in your hands, or better yet, give the reigns over to God completely. That sounds terrifying and exhilarating all at the very same time. Going through the motions is more safe. It's easy. It's somewhat like riding the carousel at the amusement park. You just keep spinning in a circle, headed no where. You don't even need a seat belt. Not very exciting, but much safer than the roller coasters! And I hate roller coasters (honestly, I have never been on one in my almost thirty years). But I do know that I am tired of the carousel. I am tired of going through the motions. We are each only given one life, and I desire more than ever to live mine well. The lyrics to the song below, by Matthew West, penetrated the deep places of my heart when I heard them. They have become my mantra for 2012. No more going through the motions. It's time to start living.

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Happy New Year!!!

2011-12-31T00:12:00.004-05:00

(Sorry no photographs! A picture of our family banner coming soon! Prepare to be impressed...)

This year we rang in the new year as a family. It was quiet, simple, and nice, much like our Christmas. Just time spent together. The more my children grow, the more I realize how much we need it. Time. Time to be together. Time to create memories. Time snuggling on the couch. We did all of the above tonight and it was awesome. Homemade pizza and nachos for supper, per Emma's request, followed by the making of a New Year's Eve banner to hang in our dining room. We colored, designed, and decorated a large piece of butcher paper for over an hour. It was a family masterpiece, and I do believe a new tradition. A bubble bath for all of the children was next. The girls kept shouting Happy New Year while throwing soap suds in the air! They thought it hilarious. I thought it precious. After everyone was clean and snug in jammies we popped some popcorn and poured some bubbly (sparkling grape juice), and settled in to watch Dolphin Tale. Beautiful story about not losing hope, reaching beyond yourself, and chasing after your dreams. A worthwhile film on the eve of this new year brimming with hope and possibility. We ended our night with traditional ice cream sundaes, a game of Disney trivial pursuit (I won if you care to know), and party hats and horns at midnight.

Those were the beautiful moments of our night. But lest you think our family is perfect, traditions, and sunshine every single moment, there were several 'real life' moments mixed in for good measure :)! While making our fabulous family banner, permanent marker bled through the paper and got all over my beautiful white dining table. Kate had a meltdown when asked to put on her jammies, and crashed as soon as the movie started. Poor thing. Five years old and has never seen the ball drop! Emma ate too much popcorn and suffered a belly ache the rest of the evening. Boss is the only one who had a sundae. After all of the horn blowing, sweet Jack awoke frazzled and needed to be rocked back to sleep. It is now after one in the morning (I am waiting for teenagers to get home) and he will probably be up for the day in four short hours.

But that's life. It's our life. And I really would not change it. Crazy, silly, difficult moments mixed in to parts of every day. Stretching us, growing us. And all the while I just keep spinning, praying I am creating beauty along the way. Beauty from the messes. Praying that God is creating beautiful things through me. And it is those things, the beautiful ones, that I choose to remember. Emma licking her plate clean with pizza sauce on her chin. Kate tracing her five year old hand onto our family banner. Jack beaming proudly when he was handed a crayon, too. Emma with her high water jammies, because she seems to grow a foot every night while she sleeps. Kate's jammies half zipped, always waiting for a back tickle. The way Jack's hair smells after his bath. These are the things I choose to remember. And I pray my children are filing these memories away, too. Because amidst the messes (and there are plenty of those), there is always God's goodness. All we have to do is look and see. Taste, and we will know that the Lord is good. This is my prayer for 2012. That I will spend more time seeing and tasting, all the while strengthening relationships with my Lord, my husband, my children, my family, my friends. It is going to be a wonderful year. I can feel it. And the best part? God is already there. Happy New Year!

Just Because He's Stinkin' Cute

2011-12-31T00:10:00.002-05:00

Christmas 2011

2011-12-30T23:37:00.003-05:00

Tonight, Boss and I packed away the last of the Christmas decorations and hauled them into storage for another year. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly time passes. Too quickly as my babies are growing. I simply cannot believe that another Christmas has come and gone! The joyous season never lasts long enough. We had a simple, fun, somewhat quiet holiday this year. It was nice. Memories were made. On Christmas Eve we went to a special service at our church. Afterwards, we celebrated the evening with our friends, before heading home to put the little ones to bed. I love tucking my two big girls into my bed on Christmas Eve. We let them fall asleep there on this special night, and I love to hear them dreaming, whispering, giggling of all they hope the next day will bring. Sweet, sweet sisters. Boss and I kissed their sweet cheeks, gave them strict orders not to leave the bed, and then we headed downstairs to work some Christmas magic! Somewhere after midnight we crawled into bed ourselves. Satisfied, content, and happy.

The next morning we were awoken by little hands and big smiles! The children waited anxiously at the top of the stairs until they were given the go ahead to see if Santa had visited. He did! This year he brought the girls bean bag chairs and tote bags filled with pajama goodness. He brought Jack a basketball hoop and a new ball. Never has there been a more excited little boy on the planet! Next we opened our stockings and then had a delicious Christmas breakfast with Grammy and Da. Homemade cinnamon rolls (made by yours truly), sausage, egg, and cheese casserole, and fruit salad. After that it was present time! We opened gifts, took pictures, and laughed for the next hour before cleaning up and getting ready for the day.

That afternoon we drove to Chillicothe and celebrated the holiday with Boss' family. Cousins are so much fun! And Papaw and Grandma are always too good to us at Christmas. We ended our day at Boss' aunt's house, where his entire extended family gathered together for a meal on this special day. I love that. I love adult siblings that still gather together. I pray it will be so for my own children! We drove home that night tired, but deeply satisfied. Happy children buckled into the back. Mama and Daddy holding hands. Another holiday came and went, but the memories will be held in our hearts for years to come. Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Christmas Adam

2011-12-23T15:40:00.012-05:00

A few years ago, we started a tradition with my parents on the night before Christmas Eve. And because I find it too confusing to say Christmas Eve's, Eve, we entitled our night Christmas Adam. Because Adam came before Eve. Get it? Bwahahaha! Okay, it's corny I know, but my children love it and greatly look forward to Christmas Adam each year. My mom hosts us at her house and serves us a meal of home made fettuccine, salad, and garlic bread. Yum. After that the kids get to open their coordinating Christmas jammies (compliments of their dear Mama, that would be me, ahem). They are all super thrilled about their Christmas jammies each year. They jump up and down with joy and loudly exclaim with adoration that I am the best mama on the planet. Okay, not really, but I am sure that one day they will look back on this tradition that I forced upon them with fondness. And until then, it does my mama heart good to see all of my babies in coordinating jammies sitting under the sparkling Christmas tree. Sigh. Tonight, after the Christmas jammies were donned, we piled into Old Faithful (our very large white van) and perused the wealthy neighborhoods looking for beautiful Christmas light displays. We were not disappointed! When we had seen enough, we went back to Grammy's for treats and hot cocoa, followed by a few rounds of Christmas Bingo. I love my family, I love our traditions, and I love Christmas! Happy Christmas Adam!

Christmas Elving

2011-12-23T15:40:00.007-05:00

On this very busy week before Christmas, my girls and I have spent lots of time elving! We (okay, I)wanted our giving to be a bit more thoughtful, personal, homemade this year. More "Z" family creations, less gift cards. And while we still have a super long way to go (as there are still a few gift cards hanging out under the tree), I do believe we made a good effort this year! A few examples of some home made gift ideas we came up with: family movie night buckets (including soda, candy, a cozy blanket to snuggle under, popcorn and cute tubs, a dollar bill to be redeemed for a movie from Red Box, etc.), sweet little jars filled with Christmas gum for the girl's little friends (idea taken from Pinterest), and tins filled with cookies and sweets for neighbors/friends. None of these ideas earth shattering, but my girls and I sure had fun creating, baking, and packaging! And we have more ideas up our sleeves for next year. So you had better watch out. The "Z" family is on a roll.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

2011-12-23T15:26:00.003-05:00

Yay! It's finally the Christmas season, the very most wonderful time of the year! I love the parties, the decorations, the family friendly music, the treats and the gift giving, the jolly old man in the red suit. I love it all. But I love the way that my children's eyes sparkle and dance throughout the entire season the most. My three children are so beautiful and precious to me! My most favorite gifts of all time. Beautiful trees, sparkly presents, and all things merry and bright could never compare. They are my merry and bright! But seeing and celebrating the Christmas season through their eyes? Priceless! It doesn't get much better than this! I am making it a point to slow down and enjoy this season with my sweet little family!

A Day of Thanks in Pictures

2011-12-23T15:11:00.005-05:00

Thanksgiving

2011-11-15T22:38:00.002-05:00

This year we are planning on a nice, quiet, simple Thanksgiving at our home. Just the way that we like it. A few of the teenage girls will be enjoying the special meal with our family, as well as my parents. My little girls and I have been having such fun preparing our decorations for the big day! Pilgrim hat place cards, homemade place mats. My mom and I have also enjoyed planning our menu! Ham, turkey, sausage stuffing (my grandmother's recipe), cream cheese mashed potatoes, strawberry pretzel salad, and the list goes on. Yummy, comfort foods that warm both heart and belly. After lunch the boys will retire to the couches to watch some football, the girls will gather around the table and work on a fall puzzle. Pumpkin pie will be eaten, white pumpkin hot chocolate sipped. Family loved and enjoyed. That evening, after my parents have left, we will head over to our neighbors (really they are our second family) home for leftovers, cards, laughter, and the beginning makings of our Christmas lists! But not before we light up our home for the season with twinkling little lights before we go! My heart is so full just thinking about the wonderful day that is coming! I feel so blessed in this life that I have. Wonderful, amazing husband. Awesome, funny children. Supportive, loving extended family. Friends who treat us like family. I really do feel as though it is a wonderful life! And I thank God everyday for my many blessings. Happy Thanksgiving, from our family to yours!

Happy Halloween

2011-11-01T08:57:00.006-04:00

As usual, the Z family Halloween festivities were quite frightful and fun this year! Okay, there was nothing frightful about our Halloween, but we certainly did have a lot of fun! This year we had a medieval princess (Emma), a ballerina kitty cat (Kate), and a golfer (Jack). The girls had such a great time dressing up for a campus party, Trunk-or-Treat at the church building, and trick-or-treating around campus. Anything that involves their besties (the Boverie sisters) and chocolate, and you pretty much have a winner event in the eyes of my daughters. Jack, however, did not love Halloween. He HATED his costume and wanted it off!! We, of course, found it hilarious and left his costume on for all of the events for our parental enjoyment. Jack also was not a fan of trick-or-treating. He did not want to walk around from house to house. He wanted to play basketball. The boy has a one track mind when it comes to sports (he gets that from his daddy). So, being the responsible adult that I am, I trick-or-treated on behalf of Jack. I did not want his candy to go to waste, so I ate it for him too! And when he wanted a bite? I said, "Sorry, son. Maybe next time you should put the ball down and get the candy yourself!". That'll show him! I think that about sums up Halloween 2011 for the Z family. Thanksgiving, here we come!

Fall Fun in Pictures

2011-11-01T08:56:00.010-04:00

18 Months

2011-11-01T08:56:00.006-04:00

Oh, my sweet son. Where has the time gone? How is it possible that in September you turned 18 months old? I cannot wrap my brain around it. Your entire life has been such a joy to me. I can't imagine the days that we used to spend without you. Without a doubt, you were meant to be a part of who we are. Do you want to know a secret? I was scared about having a little boy. I wanted a little boy, but after having both of your sisters before you, I was not sure what I would do with you. Now I am not sure what I would ever do without you. You are so happy! You love to smile and laugh. You are the most affectionate little boy. You give hugs and kisses generously, and you are always searching for a hand to hold. You love sports and balls, reading books, and putting on shoes (especially boots). You love your sisters, calling for them when you cannot see them. The best news is that they love you too. You call them 'Memma' (both of them), and they call you their best little buddy. You also adore Daddy and your favorite thing is to go on golf cart rides with him. But most of all, you are a Mama's boy. My boy. It is the best feeling in the world! You must always be near me, patting me, kissing me. Life is beautiful and filled with so much love since you are in it.

At 18 months old you are a decent sleeper, though you are rising earlier these days. You still want your bottle and your paci, and since you are our baby, we probably give both to you far too often. You love to eat (though you will not eat meat or drink milk), and your favorites are yogurt, bananas, and goldfish. You call everything a nack (snack). It makes us laugh! You are a growing boy! At your well child check you weighed in at 25 pounds, which put you in the 25th percentile for weight, as well as height. We won't discuss the size of your big noggin'! (Okay, I will confess. Your head size is in the 97th percentile! Wowsers. Mama thinks you have a really big brain.)You adore being outside and you are a very busy boy! A definite change of pace from your sisters. You keep us on our toes. Jack, Mama loves you. I am blessed to spend my days with you and I am excited to watch you grow, even if my Mama heart breaks a little bit in the process. Jack, in the words of your biggest sister, your family loves you so very much that there is not even a number for it!

Down to Destin

2011-10-19T15:46:00.011-04:00

At our children's home annual auction/fundraiser this year, my dad and Boss bid on a week's vacation at a condo in Destin, Florida and won! A few weeks ago, we made the long trip down south and had such a wonderful time together as a family. What a beautiful city! White sand, sparkling water, dolphins. It was everything that you would hope a beach get-a-way to be (except for the jelly fish, but we did not let them ruin our fun!). Here are a few snapshots from our trip. Is it just me, or are my children beautiful?!

Back to School, Back to School

2011-10-17T10:42:00.007-04:00

Another school year is under way, and this year our family has a second grader and a brand new Kindergartner! This year we plan to follow much of the same schedule that we kept last year. Three days of lessons, one day for hands on learning (baking and creating, etc.), and one day of co-op classes (this is new for our girls!), which we are super duper excited about! We kept much of Emma's curriculum the same from last year (Abeka, A Reason for Writing, Pathway Readers), only we advanced to the next grade level. She is so smart and likes to work independently, so this curriculum really suits her. With Kate we are simply focusing on math concepts, handwriting, and learning how to read. She is so excited to be joining big sister at the table for studies each week! Kate always has a great attitude and is excited about learning new things! Co-op is each Wednesday, and it has been such an awesome experience for us so far. The girls love getting dressed up and pulling around their backpacks like "real" students. Ha! They are both in an "Art Around the World" class, and Emma is also in Musical Theater Jr. This year they will be doing School House Rock. I LOVE the music and am so happy that it plays 24/7 in my car and and in my brain! Okay, that is a lie. The music makes me want to beat my head against the wall, but then I look in the rear view mirror and see my girl singing her heart out and my heart feels full once again. I feel so blessed that my children get to be a part of such a wonderful organization! I feel so blessed that we have the freedom to educate our children at home in the first place. Period. I get chills when I think about it. I can't imagine life any other way. Here's to the start of another wonderful school year!

29

2011-10-14T16:45:00.005-04:00

Almost three months ago, I had a birthday. My 29th birthday to be exact. Once you become a Mama, your birthday isn't quite the "shebang" that it used to be, but my family and friends are so sweet to always spoil me rotten. Boss always gives me the day off from diaper duty (a REAL treat!)and usually treats me to a date night sans children. My sweet children shower me with love,hugs, and kisses, my mom always makes my traditional birthday cake (mint chocolate chip ice cream layered between chocolate cake and iced with hot fudge), and my girlfriends are sweet to take me out for supper at Olive Garden. Yum. With such blessings as these, getting older each year is not quite as difficult as I once thought that it might be, and the years (and birthdays) have seemed to pass by without me hardly noticing them at all. But this year was a bit different.

29. I am 29 years old. For the past three months, I have been repeating that small little sentence over and over again to myself. On one hand, 29 still sounds quite young. So much life left to be lived. So many experiences yet to be had. Lord willing, my party is far from being over! But on the other hand, 29 is just one short year away from 30. 30! And that sounds old. I have found that this last birthday has caused me to do quite a bit of self reflection. Have I done and accomplished all that I thought that I would in my first thirty years? Do I like the person that I have become? What needs to change so that I can grow more into the person that God designed and desires for me to be? What are my goals for this next season of life that is approaching? How will I accomplish them? These are the thoughts that have been swirling through my brain, over and over again.

To some of those questions, I feel that I have found answers. Yes! I do believe I have accomplished much in the past 29 years. From the time I was small, my only desire was to be a wife and mother, so to spend my days caring for Boss and the children really is my dream come true. I can't imagine life any other way. I wouldn't want to imagine it any other way. Some people want careers, some want fame, others excitement. All I have ever wanted was family. I have no doubt that I am right where I was meant to be in my role as wife and mother.

Do I like the person that I have become? Sometimes. I do see many ways that I have grown, strengthened, changed, and matured over the years. But when it comes to personal character there is always room for growth! What needs to change in my life, what are my future goals, and how do I plan on achieving them? These last three questions have been on my heart the most.

I really feel like God is doing a work in my heart and in my life, and I am quite excited to see what He has up his sleeve for me with this next season approaching. I feel it deep in my heart that change is in the air. Not necessarily BIG changes, although there might be a few. But little changes. Changes in the way that I relate, talk to, and serve my husband. Changes in how I spend my time. Changes in the way I do "life" with my children. More time together, or rather more purposeful time spent together. More hugs, more laughter, more memories. More of Him, them, and less of me. Slowing down. Savoring the everyday moments. Realizing more each day that these small, everyday moments, are what make up my life. And I want my life to count.

So that is what has been on my heart and in my mind. Lots of thought. Lots of self reflection. Lots of pen to paper, writing down dreams and weeding out all the extras. Things that might be good, but aren't necessarily best. It is my desire to love God, to serve and nurture my family, and to make a difference in this world one day at a time. 29 years might seem like a long time, yet in some ways it feels like I am just beginning. Just beginning to realize who I was meant to be.

July Trip 2011

2011-08-16T22:25:00.007-04:00

I LOVE traveling with my little family. I find it somewhat funny, because there are some days where I find that if I were a bit more nutty, it would be quite easy for me to be an agoraphobic. You know, to keep all of my littles safe and to kid myself into thinking that I can control pieces of my silly little world. (Just kidding, of course. Somewhat.) But most days, there are so many places that I want to see in this world! And when you want to see the world, staying home is not always the best option. So a few times a year, we go. We venture off of the compound, just the five of us (with sometimes a grandparent or two thrown into the mix for good measure!), and head for parts unknown. To see more and more pieces of this beautiful world that God created, to put more pegs in our map, to make more memories, and most of all, to just be together. In our regular world, we don't get much together time, the five of us, so we cherish the time that we get to be away. Time to turn off the distractions and focus on our children. For a few weeks a year, they get all of us, and I love those times. They are necessary in the line of work that we do. And we always come home feeling refreshed and ready to serve once again!

This year, my parents treated us to a trip to the Pocono's. We definitely had a wonderful time being together! We went hiking, attempted paddle boating (Side Note: about half way out into the lake the boat started to sink. Of course I panicked, but bravely decided to be the one to bail out and swim to shore for help. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating. Paddle boating was not how I wanted to die. Thank goodness when I jumped out the water only came up to my shins! It made my trip to the shore so much easier!), we played putt putt, played games, danced to the music in the yard, and consumed massive amounts of ice cream. But having said all of that, we will never venture to the Pocono's again. They were not mountains. They were small hills. Very small hills. And overall, we found the area to be quite overpriced for the amenities and activities that were offered. Oh well, live and learn.

The highlight of our trip? The day we spent in NYC! It was simply amazing. We rode the train in from Jersey, visited Ground Zero, ate a hot dog by the harbor, took a boat cruise out to see Lady Liberty, walked and shopped in Times Square, paid an outrageous amount for supper downtown, played in Central Park, and took a Taxi ride (where my children learned that the Easter Bunny is not real). It was seriously one of my most favorite days of my life! I was quite proud of my little agoraphobic self. I only suspected a few people to be terrorists, and only almost had a panic attack once. And that, my friends, is progress.

But do you know what they very best part of traveling always is, and forever will be? Coming home. Because there really is no place like home.

PS. I just noticed that the name of our paddle boat was ESCAPE. That should have been a warning to us, no?

Aloha!

2011-08-10T15:30:00.005-04:00

For her seventh birthday, Emma wanted a Hawaiin party. Grammy made her a beautiful layered cake with flowers, we decorated the school cafeteria with pineapples, streamers, and balloons, her favorite friends came, and it was so much fun! We played pass the pineapple (hot potatoe),a hula hoop game, we did the limbo, smashed a pinata, and slid down a slip n' slide. She had such a great time! Thank you to everyone who came and helped out with her special night! Our family is so blessed to have such wonderful people who love our children and are invested in their lives. To end her special day, Emma got to host her very first sleep over, something she has wanted for quite some time. The Boverie sisters were her guests, and they had such a fun time watching movies, playing Barbies, being silly, and splashing in the hot tub. Emma is one blessed little girl! What a great seven years!

Seven Years

2011-07-08T11:21:00.005-04:00

It's completely true. My Emma is now seven years old. I can hardly believe it and I am her mother. When people ask me how old my children are, I still say six, four, and one. And then my girls quietly whisper to me that they are now seven and five. And I struggle to believe it every single time. But their birthdays keep on coming, year after year, and for that I am so grateful. Grateful for the gift of another year together, another year of growing and memories. Another year to laugh. Another year to celebrate the miracle that is their lives. And today that is exactly what we did! We celebrated Emma!

When asked what she wanted for her birthday breakfast (and her selections even included cake!) this girl of mine chose Cocoa Pebbles. She is a woman who knows what she wants and cannot be swayed. I love that about her. After breakfast, we gifted her with a Barbie Horse set and a gift certificate for a horse lesson once the weather begins to cool down. Off to her room she ran to play with her new toy and her sister for the rest of the morning. Later in the day we headed up to Kings Island (area amusement park) where we met up with Grammy and Da, and enjoyed a day of fun, laughter, rides, and being together. Awesome. We also let the girls get string and beads braided into their hair, something that they have both been wanting done for quite some time. It was a special birthday treat! We ended the day with blue ice cream. Pure deliciousness.

There are so many things about Emma at age seven that I want to remember. Kate, Anna, and Avery are her best friends. She is an amazing big sister. She always lets Jack hold her hand to fall asleep, just like my brother used to do for me. She is helpful in our home (usually cheerful in doing chores), loves playing Barbies, and has a mild case of OCD (wonder who she inherited this trait from?). Her favorite food is still spaghetti, though she is a huge fan of strawberries, yogurt, and popsicles, too. Her smile is beautiful, with as many teeth missing as are actually still there. She still falls asleep in her Daddy's arms each night at bedtime, still kisses her Mama every day, and creates beautiful pictures for everyone in our house all the time. My life got so much better seven years ago when God gave her to me.

HAPPY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY, EMMA LEIGH!

Fort Hill

2011-07-07T21:12:00.004-04:00

This year, for the first time ever, my Emma (who turns seven years old tomorrow!) went away to a week of church camp. To the very same camp that her daddy went to when he was a boy! The most we have ever been apart in the last seven years of her life was for three nights when Boss and I went to interview for a job in New Mexico. Other than that, she has spent several weekends at Grandma's with cousins, she has slept over several times at Grammy's (including when I had her sister and brother), and she has slept over at other houses on campus three different times. But the vast majority of her nights are spent here at home. With us all together as a family. Where she belongs. So her going away for an entire week was a really big deal for us! As her mama, I was super nervous and worried about how she would sleep, but she did great! Boss did go to camp as kitchen staff, so he was there if she needed him, but we were so proud of how she did. Our biggest girl really is growing up. She had an awesome time, and she informed me that the very best part about camp was getting to eat her dessert first, because I was not there to tell her not to. Ha! Love that girl. She also loved all of the cabin activities, camp fire, skit night, and being with her friends. Her least favorite part? Dodge ball. Just like her mama. She is so my girl. Boss said his favorite part of camp was watching his biggest girl learn about God. Lord willing, the 'Z' family has many more weeks of Fort Hill camp in their future!

Kate's Party Pictures

2011-07-06T16:19:00.008-04:00

COME JUMP, BOUNCE, and JIVE
KATE IS TURNING FIVE!

A Whole Hand

2011-07-05T13:20:00.006-04:00

This summer simply cannot go on without my recording of something monumental that happened in the "Z" household recently. On June 26, 2011, at 11:30 am, Kate Elisabeth Zickafoose turned five years old. That is one whole hand! I am not sure how it has happened, or where the time has gone, but once again I blinked and where once sat my dark haired, hazel eyed, chubby baby girl, now sits a beautiful, funny, almost kindergartner little girl. At least she still has her dark hair and hazel eyes! And she will always be my baby, no matter how much she grows up.

In our house we love birthdays, so we celebrated Kate for at least an entire week! I told her 'Happy Birthday' so many times, that she eventually asked me to stop! Ha! Silly girl. During Kate's Birthday Week, we did so many fun things! My parents took the girls to see The Lion King on Broadway, we went to Kings Island, we visited the spray park at Woodland Mounds, and Kate and I went on a date to get pedicures and to have lunch at Panera Bread. So fun! On Kate's actual birthday, Boss and Emma had just left for a week at church camp, and Kate was quite sad, but we tried to make the best of it. I took donut holes for her Bible class to enjoy at church, I made her requested lunch of white noodles (fettuccine), we went to the movies and loaded up on some candy, and I sang to her over and over again. I just cannot believe that my littlest girl is five years old. I love her so much.

For her party this year, Kate decided that she wanted to go back to Jump Zone (where Emma had her fifth party). She also wanted a pink and green polka dot theme. I let her help me pick out all of the decorations, Grammy made her a delicious cake, we handed out Take 5 candy bars for party favors (you know, since she is now 5 and all!), and she laughed, and played, and jumped her heart out with all of her closest family and friends. I hope that her day was everything that she wanted it to be. Kate, you are so very loved! Happy 5th Birthday, Buggey!

Celebrating America

2011-07-04T23:07:00.005-04:00

Our Fourth of July celebration was a fun one this year! I love celebrations of any kind, really, and love to come up with special ways to create meaningful holidays for my family. I want my children to grow up loving life and being thankful for their roots and where they come from. I have fond (fuzzy) memories of celebrating the fourth at my Granny's house in the country when I was younger. I recall drinking sweet tea out of orange plastic glasses, eating watermelon in the back of a pickup truck and having seed spitting contests with cousins, Aunt Ellen would bring over some pies and we would all sit around and visit in lawn chairs, games of croquet would be played, and once it was dark we would set off fireworks in the yard. While I can't recall every specific detail, my heart warms with these thoughts. But after my grand parents passed away, we had no set plans for the fourth. We always watched fireworks, but each year the location and the people at each event were different, and the same has been true for the family that Boss and I have grown together. Sometimes fun and meaningful days, sometimes spectacular fireworks shows, sometimes not. But this year was, by far, the best fourth we have experienced in a very long time!

We started the holiday with a big church/campus block party on Sunday night (good friends and good food!), followed by Kings Island fireworks show (we found a cute little deck to sit on to view the show), and finished the night with a soak in the hot tub. Today, Boss and Jack began the day with a round of golf (Boss straps Jack's car seat to the golf cart, and they are both in love!), while I took all of the girls to the water park. We had supper with some friends from church, where food was eaten and corn hole was played. And then we finished the night by making smores in the fire pit, while the little girls chased fireflies and danced in the yard. And then I thought that the night was over. But I was wrong! Around dusk, our across the street neighbor walked out with boxes and boxes of fireworks,and asked if we wanted him to set them off in the field behind our house. YES, please! The children and I sat on the back porch and oohed and awed as the men folk sent the pretty colors in to the sky. And for a brief moment in time I was taken back to my childhood. Back to my Granny's little house in the country. And it felt good. I scooted a little bit closer to Emma on the bench, and tried to etch that moment in time into my brain. I want to recall it in the years to come. Food, family, friends, fireworks, freedom. I am thankful each day for all of those things. I am also thankful to God, who freely gives all good gifts! He is reason alone to celebrate! Happy Fourth of July! I hope yours was a good one!

The Final Round of the Dancing Duo

2011-06-21T00:09:00.005-04:00

This year was Emma's fourth recital and Kate's second, and final, time to take the stage. My Buggey has decided that dancing is just not her thang. She does not enjoy anything about it, and she cried and cried when I dropped her off backstage the day of the performance. I did bribe her with chocolate and flowers if she would complete her final dance with a smile on her face, and since she will do just about anything for a little chocolate, her dance was a success :). But after her last bow, Kate kissed dancing goodbye. She now has her little heart set on being a soccer player and can't wait to join a team this fall. I love, love watching my children explore different likes and interests in their lives. So amazing how God creates each of us so uniquely! Because while dance is not for Kate, my Emma LOVES it! This year she got to have a lead role in her class' dance, and she did great! Definitely so proud of her! She did think about joining Dance Company this coming year, but we decided as a family that we were not quite ready to explore outside interests so heavily at this time. But we are definitely excited to see where dance takes her in the future! I love both of my daughters SO much and am SO in love with the little girls they are growing into.

South Haven, Oh How I Love Thee

2011-06-20T14:43:00.011-04:00

I heart South Haven. Seriously, I do. We discovered this charming little beach town last year (somewhat by accident) and I am so very glad that we did! My family LOVES trips to the beach. The sun, the waves, the bright colorful beach umbrellas, the fresh air, we love it all! Every year we try and take a family beach trip. The problem that we kept running into, however, was that most beaches are a ten to twelve hour drive from our home (not so fun with three small children!) and the weather there was always so very much hotter than we were used to, that we could only enjoy the water first thing in the morning or once the sun started to set in the evenings. Then we were left to fill countless hours (and spend lots of extra money) coming up with ways to entertain the children indoors for a week. We always had a good time seeing new things and spending time together, but we came home feeling a bit stressed out from the drive and exhausted from the heat.

So last summer I googled 'Lake Michigan Beach Towns' and an advertisement for South Haven popped up. I knew right away that we had to go there, and it was love at first sight. To us, it looks like a mini Malibu (and it is only a six hour drive from home!). There is a high cliff where all of the charming beach cottages sit looking down on the lake, the water is clean, cool, and fresh, the weather doesn't seem to climb much higher than the eighties, there are darling stores, cute ice cream shops, a quaint lighthouse, and gorgeous sunsets. We have hopes to visit there year after year, and my hope is that my children grow up with fond memories in their hearts about our trips to the beach.

This year we took my mom and dad along with us! We rented a cottage four houses from the water, and it was so charming! I fell in love. We enjoyed the water, lots of bike rides and walks to town, hiking, shopping, playing games, and just being together. It was so nice to just get away, turn the cell phones off, and be together. We all came home feeling refreshed. It was a wonderful, wonerful trip. So long, South Haven. See you next year!

The Best That Ever Lived

2011-06-19T18:04:00.004-04:00

My children are so very lucky that I am married to the very best dad that ever lived. I am pretty lucky too. When it comes to caring, guiding, and providing for our family, Boss does it all. Prays for his family? Check. Is wise with our finances? Check. Rises early? Check. Is hard working? Check. Does the laundry? Check. Raises and builds relationships with children who are not his own? Check. Spends as much time as he can each day with us? Check. Makes us laugh? Check. Fills our hearts with love? All. The. Time. Boss really is the very best dad that ever did live, and I hope that as his family, we strive to honor him not only on Father's Day, but on every day of the year. Because he deserves it.

I never want to give the impression to others that our life is perfect. It is pretty great during this particular season, yes, but it is far from perfect. We don't have it all together, we are not always happy, our marriage has had some pretty big bumps. But I have never had one doubt in my heart about what an awesome dad Boss is. Not one single doubt. I often think that out of the two of us, he is the better parent. Our daughters adore him. He is wonderful at showing them the love and affection that they need. Their eyes light up when he is near, and they are loved well. They are secure in his arms. And watching Boss with his son? My heart melts, and I find myself falling for him again and again. And he thought he only knew how to be a daddy to little girls. :)

Boss, I love you. Thank you for investing in our family like you do. Thank you for leading us and striving to make our lives happy and good. Our three kids are super lucky to call you daddy. And I am lucky to call you mine. Happy Father's Day!

(I wrote this post awhile ago, on Father's Day, right after we returned from South Haven to be exact, but never hit publish! So here you have it. A tribute to the very best dad that ever lived, who just happens to be my husband!)

Away

2011-06-13T22:54:00.002-04:00

For a month now, I have been away from the pages of this online journal of our lives. I suppose I have simply been busy living life and not finding the time to record all of the "Z" family happenings on the pages here. And there have been a lot of happenings. Mostly just ordinary things, nothing too extraordinary, unless you count each day as a gift, as I'm learning to do, and then all of those ordinary moments magically turn into extraordinary ones. And that makes this life of ours pretty awesome. In the past month we have finished up another school year for Boss, the big girls, and Emma (sidenote: My baby girl only missed three questions out of one hundred on her end of the year exam! Does she rock, or what?), Boss and I celebrated eight years of marrige, we attended Emma's fourth and Kate's second (and last) dance recital, and we are currently enjoying some much needed family time away at one of my most favorite places to visit on Earth. See those people in that picture up there? I love them. I love being with them. They make my heart happy. So updates on all of the current "Z" family happenings will soon come, but for now I am enoying being away with those that I love.

A Grown Up Bedroom

2011-05-09T11:51:00.008-04:00

For those of you who assumed that this post was going to be about the goings on inside of a "grown up bedroom", shame on you. This is a family friendly blog :). And besides, I have no clue what is supposed to go on in a grown up bedroom. Because for the last six years, I haven't had one. Sure, Boss and I have a bedroom, but it is not just a grown up bedroom. It is usually a grown up bedroom plus one, or two, or sometimes even three.For the last six years it has been a family bedroom. Until this weekend, when Boss moved our baby boy out (insert wailing Mama sob here). Granted, he only moved him about ten feet across the hall, into a room that Jack now shares with his two sisters, but it feels like he has moved him miles and miles away from his Mama.Where once stood a crib in the corner of our family bedroom, now stands a nice, sophisticated, end table. It's all so very grown up looking. And so very unlike us.

We never set out to be a family that practiced co-sleeping. I know that a lot of family's have researched and believe that the co-sleeping method is best for children and attachment when they are young, but we are not one of those families. In fact, I don't think I have ever researched anything about different parenting methods. Any method we have used or implemented in the last (almost) seven years of parenting, has been by pure chance. When it comes to parenting, Boss and I have definitely been of the 'fly by the seat of our pants' method. What? That's not an actual method? Huh. Good to know. No wonder things never seem to flow quite right in our house! We usually always just go with what works, whether it follows a particular method or not. It's how we roll.

When Emma was small, she was a great sleeper. She slept for the first eight weeks in a bassinet by our bed. We were living with my parents at the time while our home was being built, and when Emma turned two months old, our new house was ready for move in. The very first night that we slept in our new house, we placed Emma in her crib in her very own bedroom where she slept all night without so much as a peep. And that is where she slept for the entire next year of her life, from seven in the evening until seven in the morning. Boss and I sure thought that we were awesome parents. We high fived each other for fabulous parenting skills a lot back then. But then we moved, and the sleeping in our family fell completely apart.

We moved from Texas to New Mexico in the fall of 2005. Right in the middle of Hurricane Katrina. So what started out as a moving trip, turned out to be an evacuation trip, as well. What should have been a day and a half drive from Houston to Albuquerque, ended up taking a week. The roads were jam packed and we were in a stand still traffic for hours on end, and we slept in a different hotel night after night. If that won't screw up a one year olds schedule, I don't know what will. The only way we could get Emma to calm down and sleep in the hotels each evening was to let her sleep with us. We were both so exhausted from the driving (and sitting) that we allowed it, thinking it would be easy to get her back on track once we were settled in our new house. Wrong.

When we arrived in Albuquerque, our house was not ready, so we stayed with a sweet couple for yet another week. And Emma spent another week sharing a bed with us. By the time we actually moved in, we were a threesome. It was awesome. Or not. We could have plopped her in her crib in her new room and let her cry it out, but I just could not bring myself to do that. The room that was supposed to be hers at our new house at the children's home, never felt quite right to me. The carpet was dirty, the air was stagnant, and we just never left her in there. So in our room she stayed. For the next two years.

Around the time that we moved to Albuquerque, I got pregnant with sweet Kate. As my belly grew bigger, the space in our queen sized bed grew smaller, and eventually Boss took to sleeping in the office. The residents who used to live with us once told our director that Boss and I had marriage issues because we slept in seperate bedrooms. When the director asked me about this, I said yes, we have marriage issues. It's called having children! Ha! And when sweet Kate came, things did not improve. She was NOT a sleeper. And while she is much better today, she still keeps weird hours. Back then, though, she slept (or didn't) in a pack n' play by our bed for the first seven months of her life, while Emma and I shared our bed, and Boss still slept in the office. There were no high fives for awesome parenting during that season of our lives.

In the months before Emma was to turn three,and Kate one, we decided to move back to Ohio. Things had spiraled a bit out of control in our family during our stay in NM, and we felt like we needed a fresh start. We bought a house in Miamisburg, and I was very excited to get each of the girls settled into their own bedrooms. I was ready to sleep with my man again! Right away we placed Kate in a crib in her room, and while she still slept weird hours, at least she slept in her own room. Alone. Emma was a different story. I refused to let her sleep in our bedroom in the new house, so in the beginning, I decided to just lay down with her each night to help her get settled in her new room. But then a week passed, and then six months, and in Emma's room I stayed, each and every night. Boss was working eighty hours a week, Kate was up at four each morning, and what little sleep we got was precious. So we went with it. Still no high fives were being handed out. On most days it was all we could do to function.

In September of 2007, we moved yet again. This time to the children's home where we have lived for the last four years. This time I was determined to start sleeping with my husband once again. Kate went easily enough in to the room that she shared with Emma (even though she still barely slept), I slept with Boss, and Emma? She slept on a pallet by our bed :). But at least she was not in it! Hey, small victories are still victories. This nice little arrangement lasted for the next year and a half. And we were all fairly happy. But right before the girls were to turn three and five, I decided that enough was enough. I had had it! I wanted another baby, and Boss said that everyone had to be sleeping well in their own rooms for him to even consider it. That was all I needed to hear. I became a Mama on a mission. Operation Sleep.

First, I took several months and trained Kate to sleep through the night. As painful as it was for the both of us, I eliminated all naps so that she would be extra tired at night. And then I slowly started moving back her bedtime until eight o'clock. (Her natural clock had her falling asleep around six each evening. Grandma says I have Boss to thank for her wonky sleeping schedule.) Oh the things we did to keep her awake in the evenings! And then came the dreaded mornings. When she would wake at four, I would go in and lay with her, refusing to allow her to get up until five. Those were some very long, exhausting months, but the hard work was worth it! By the time she turned three she was falling asleep at eight each evening, sleeping all night in her own bed, and waking each morning at six. Not perfect, but we would certainly take it!

Next, came conquering Emma. Our method for her? Simple. Every time she entered our bedroom we carried her back to her own bed. Time and time again. Night after night. Week after week. But eventually she got it. By the end of the summer, both girls were sleeping in their own beds every night, and the angels in heaven were singing a hallelujah chorus! For the first time in five years, Boss and I were alone. Blissfully alone in our own bed. So what did we do? Why, we decided to make another baby of course :).

You know by now, that sweet Jack joined our family last March. And because of spacial issues, his crib took up residence in the corner of our bedroom where it has stayed for the past year. For the most part, Jack has been a good sleeper. For his first month home I slept with him on the couch, then moved him to his car seat by our bed (it helped with his reflux), then to the pack n' play, and finally to his crib. And then, one dreadful day last week, Boss moved his crib right out the door, and this Mama has not stopped crying since. (Not really, but it sounds more dramatic if I type that.)

So for the first time in almost seven years, Boss and I find ourselves in a new place. It is the same old bedroom, but a brand new place. At ten each evening, when the last of our children is tucked into their shared bedroom (which I love), Boss and I can climb into bed and expect to sleep peacefully alone, unless someone is sick or there is a storm, etc. And this time, this season just might last. We have no babies on the way (and at this time it is still undecided if we ever will), the kids are growing bigger each day, and it seems the Z house just might be leaving the long, exhausting, baby days behind. Boss has joined the angels in singing the hallelujah chorus, but this Mama's heart is just not sure how it feels. A few years ago, I was longing wildly for these grown up bedroom days, but these days I am not sure. Because one thing I have learned for certain, is that everything in life is only but a season. Nothing lasts forever. Time marches on, and babies turn into toddlers, then children, and children grow up. And it's beautiful, and sad, and heart breaking, and joyous, all at the very same time. I think it will take some time to get used to all of the growing and changing that is going on in our family, but another thing that I have learned is that change can be good. If we embrace it. And Boss and I plan on fully embracing our new grown up bedroom. Whatever shall we do with all of our grown up time? (wink, wink)

Beauty and Gratitude

2011-05-08T22:52:00.004-04:00

I have learned over the past several months, that beauty and gratitude go hand in hand. The more I look around at this life that I have been given, really look around at it with eyes wide open, the more beauty I see. When I take the time to slow down, to take moments in, to capture the sights and the sounds of particular moments, I can't help but to see the beauty that is all around me. Beauty in the sunshine, beauty in the rain. Beauty in the freshly cut grass, crops being planted, the barn across the way. Beauty in my husbands smile, my daughters laughter, my little boys baby soft skin. The list of beauty that daily surrounds me could go on and on. And the more that I open my eyes to seeing beautiful things, the more I am filled with gratitude. Gratitude for the gifts. Gratitude for my life.

Today was an especially beautiful day, and I found my heart overflowing with gratitude. My husband and my children always do an amazing job of making me feel blessed, honored, and loved each Mother's Day. On Friday night, Boss surprised me with two new furniture pieces that I had been wanting, an entryway piece, and an old fashioned writing desk. While I had taken Emma and Kate to a play, Boss and the big girls picked up the furniture from the store and had it all in place by the time the little girls and I returned that evening. I see beauty in Boss' thoughtfulness and in the way that he serves me. My heart fills with gratitude.

On Saturday, Boss served me breakfast in bed. And then he told me that he would be my house slave. He walked around for several hours with a hammer and nails, fixing this, lowering that. I see beauty in the way that he cares for our things. It is such a wonderful place to call home. My heart fills with gratitude. That night we went out to supper and then came home and had a family movie night. I see beauty when we are all together, five people tied by blood, four others woven in to the fold by heartstrings. All of us together because of God's grace. My heart fills with gratitude.

Today I awoke with a cold, an aching ear, stuffed nose, soar throat, chills. But there was still beauty all around. My children gifted me with jewelry, good behavior and chore coupons, and cards. Boss gifted me with a sweet note filled with words that moved me. There was beauty in their love. Church was wonderful, lunch quiet take out at home. After lunch I took some much needed medicine and a two hour nap. I awoke to a bedside bouquet of tiny yellow flowers, picked with love by my daughters. Beauty. I spent the evening on the front porch enjoying the gorgeous weather. I came in to find two hand made mothers day cards from two teenagers, thanking me for being there for them during this hard season in their lives. I hope I am teaching them to see the beauty, too. My heart fills with gratitude, and I do not deserve this life that I lead. But I am grateful.

In reading Ann Voskamps book (I mentioned it previously), I have taken up the challenge to count one thousand gifts of beauty in my life. And the challenge has changed me. Because the beauty has always been there, all this time, but my eyes were never opened to see it. But now I see the beauty everywhere that I look! And my heart is grateful. More grateful than it has ever been. Thank you Boss, Emma, Kate, Jack, and big girls for making this a day of beauty! I love you all.

Happy Mothers Day

2011-05-07T22:41:00.003-04:00

These three call me Mama. That is all the present that I need. I am so blessed that they are mine in this life.

Emma, Kate, and Jack,

Your Mama loves you to moons on sticks and back!

Dreamer

2011-05-04T12:02:00.011-04:00

I wear many titles in this life. Christian. Daughter. Sister. Niece. Granddaughter. Wife. Mother. Foster Parent. Co-worker. Neighbor. Friend. The list could go on and on. And often, if I am not careful, I allow these titles to define me. They are little pieces, each one of them, of who I am. But there is another title that I wear, that I often try to keep hidden. It is a title that I keep, only for me to know. It is a title that I wear daily, but one that I often do not share with the world, for fear that they will find me silly or discontent with my lot, or even worse, both. It is the title of Dreamer. I am a dreamer. I always have been, for as far back as I can remember.

When I was much smaller, my dreaming would take place on the pages of written word. I would not just read about Ann of Avonlea, I would become her. I would easily get caught up in stories, stories of any kind, and I would wait with baited breath as I turned each page to find out what was going to happen next. When a story was over, I would always feel a deep sense of loss. An emotional let down. I had reached the conclusion, the final chapter had been read, and there was no more adventure to be had. But that was really no worry. I could always get another book and escape into the retreat of the pages once again. I could go on a different adventure. Dream about another life other than my own boring, mortal existence. In fiction, the adventures can go on forever. The dreams never really have to die.

But as I grew, suddenly, "book" dreams were no longer enough. I wanted real dreams. Living an exciting, dramatic, romantic life through fictional characters no longer satisfied the yearnings of my soul. I wanted my real life to be exciting, dramatic, and romantic. And so I kept dreaming. In side my head. In the quiet places of my heart, I let the dreams soar.

I dreamed of growing up and going to college, and making my own way in this world. College was a wonderful experience for me.

I dreamed of meeting my prince charming and falling in love. At just the right time, Boss entered my life.

From the time I was small, I dreamed of being a mother. I have three incredible blessings gifted to me as my own.

Suburban life stifled me. I dreamed of life in the country. Where I live, it is corn fields and barns, as far as the eye can see.

I never wanted an "ordinary" life, a normal eight to five job. I dreamed of doing something "different" with my time and my days. I work as a foster parent to troubled teenage girls. It doesn't get much different than that.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing, as I put all of my past dreams to paper? That I am living them out? Were they dreams? Or were they really prayers? Prayers that God has answered. Or were they both? Can my inner dreams, the deepest yearnings of my heart, really be prayers that I don't even know that I am praying daily to God? To the Creator who made me, loves me, and knows my hearts desires before the words can even form on my lips. So why is it still not enough? Why, after seeing all of these dreams realized, all of my prayers answered, do I still long for more? Why. This is the question that my soul wrestles with each day. Why is what I have never enough?

I think I am beginning to discover why.

When I started on my quest to discover my Creator at the first of this year, I did not know the real life adventure that I was about to embark on. I did not know what I was getting myself into. To be honest, I wasn't one hundred percent sure that I even believed that God existed. I wanted Him to be real. I desired Him to be real. And I certainly could not come up with a better explanation of how I came to be on this earth without Him. But I did not really believe in Him, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

The scripture, Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8), was never far from my mind those few, short months ago. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13), kept repeating itself over and over again like a broken record deep in my soul. So I decided to do it. To go on the adventure to find God. To move from being a dreamer, to a doer. I committed to diving into His scriptures and seeing what I could find. And you know what I found? Him. And the answer to my questions of why I was always still longing for more, even when I had what I thought that I wanted right in the palm of my hand. I always longed for more, because I was really longing for Him.

I have come to discover that when I hang my hat of significance on what title I wear, what things that I have, who I am associated with, while those things may fill me up for awhile, or maybe even for a season, eventually they will leave me lacking. They will never be enough. Because the truth is, I was not created to live for this world. You were not created to live for this world. We were created to worship God. Anything less than that will leave us sadly lacking. Always. Our lives were made for worship. How freeing is that thought!

Over the past few days I have been reading Ann Voskamps book, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are (Read It! Hurry! It will change you!). Her words have changed me. Through her message, I have discovered that if my life was made for worship, nothing more, nothing less, then worship is what I must do. Right here, right now, in the every day. When I am packing lunches, it is worship. Sweeping floors? Changing diapers? Speaking kind words to Boss? Worship. Listening to others, making supper, bathing children? All worship. My life can be worship to God, no matter where I am, what I am doing, or what title I wear. If I am living my life for Him, giving all I have to Him, each moment of each day, that is worship. And that is what I was made for. That is where true happiness is found. Nothing else can ever satisfy.

In learning this, my load has been lifted! I am beginning to feel free to live life fully, for the very first time, right where He has placed me in this season. I don't have to be more, do more, or dream more. And the exciting part? When I empty myself of my own dreams, when I commit my entire life to worship, that is when God is free to fill me up with His own dreams for my life. And it just doesn't get much better than that.

Easter 2011

2011-04-25T23:40:00.031-04:00

For old times sake,Emma and the Easter Bunny circa 2005...

The Preparations

(Check out Kate's new haircut! A new style for Spring. With over six inches gone, she thinks she looks at least nine or ten years old. Ha!)

The Baskets

THE OUTFITS (Minus the Ever so Stylish Rain Boots)

THE HUNT

I hope and pray that you all had a blessed and happy holiday!

My Little Graduate

2011-04-21T23:28:00.009-04:00

Last Friday my Buggy graduated from Mini School. The ceremony was precious. She was precious. See?

I told you. A complete doll, that smallest girl of mine. Both sets of grandparents were able to drive down for Kate's special night. Kate selected Golden Corral as her restaurant of choice for our family meal before graduation began. She selected that restaurant for one super important reason: multiple ice cream toppings. Enough said. After supper, we headed over to the church and I got Kate situated in her cap and gown. Then a lump grew in my throat and stayed there for the rest of the evening. My middle baby is growing up.

When it was her turn to receive her diploma, they called her name and she shyly walked up onto the stage. The speaker read aloud that Kate Elisabeth Zickafoose wanted to be a soccer player when she grew up. (Insert here the fact that Kate has never even played soccer in her life...but there was another girl in her class that said she wanted to roll around on the floor like a ball when she grew up, so I suppose that being a soccer player beats that! Dontcha just love four year olds? They rock!) Then she curtsied cutely in front of her teachers, shook their hands, and they handed her her diploma. And then she beamed at her daddy and I and ran to sit with us for the rest of the ceremony. You can bet that I held her as tight as I could for as long as she would allow. Time is just moving way too fast, and there is not a pause button in sight.

Mini school was such a wonderful experience for Kate. She learned all of her letters, numbers, colors, and shapes this year. She learned how to count, hold her pencil, and write her name. She learned how to make friends and be obedient in a class room setting. She learned that life exists without her big sister at her side (though I'm secretly okay if she doesn't learn that again for a very long time).

While we have chosen to homeschool our children during this season of their lives, both of our daughters attended preschool, and it was such a great experience for each of them. I am so thankful to all of the people who made it a great experience for each of my daughters! But I am also thankful that we can take a break from this stage of life, at least for three more years :). For the next three years, all of my babies will be at home with me, and that is exactly where they belong.

Kate, your daddy and I love you so very much! We are so proud of you! You were such a good listener this year, and you learned so many new things. We know God has special plans for your life. You bring our family joy. Happy graduation!

Love, Mama

Washington DC Pictures

2011-04-21T00:09:00.002-04:00

Raised on Country Sunshine Update

2011-04-11T22:27:00.006-04:00

Whew! It has been quite some time since I have found the energy and the words to put on the pages of this journal. At the end of March, our family (including all four foster girls) took a mini vacation to Washington DC. Quite the experience! Traveling with nine people an experience for both Boss and I, and leaving the county for the first time an experience for our foster children. One I am sure that we will all soon NOT forget! We went to visit my brother and his wife before they move to CA this summer (major props to them for always following their dreams and refusing to live life in the slow lane), to get all seven children a little bit of culture (Jack was really in need of this... he is so small minded.... hehe!), to eat a cupcake from Georgetown Bakery (DC Cupcakes), and to simply leave the compound, as we lovingly refer to our homeland. A good time was had by all, and we returned with all nine people safely intact, and at least seven of us were still on speaking terms (Boss and I were a little iffy on this one). Time away was just what our family needed to rest and recharge.

With April, came the return of our busy schedules (schooling, dance, staff obligations, mini school etc.). And then last Friday, my Buggy (also known as Kate), graduated from mini school. (Insert big tear here).An entire post on that is coming soon. I am fairly positive that I am not old enough to have two school aged children. Seriously. But life goes on at a whirlwind pace whether we want it to or not, and with each milestone that passes, I learn to cherish the next season of life just a little bit more than I did the last.

And in the midst of all of this craziness that is our lives, God has really been working on my heart. I have begun to pray, and to think, to study, and to believe in a whole new way. I have come to know first hand, that if you seek God, you will find him. Currently I am working on being thankful for what I have in this life, and on making the most of every opportunity that He sends my way. More on this to come! To say that I am excited about the plans that He has for both my life and my family would be an understatement. Walking with God is certainly an adventure. I am learning to see life in a whole new way.

So that is where we are and what we have been up to. Living, learning, and loving in this place we call home. Thanks for checking in!

One Year: A Letter To My Son

2011-03-15T22:54:00.006-04:00

Dear Jack,

I can't believe that an entire year has passed since that very first moment that I held you in my arms. I will never forget the way it felt when your eyes met mine for the very first time, and you grabbed on to my finger with your sweet, tiny hand. All it took was a single second, one brief moment in time, and I was instantaneously and completely in love. In many ways it seems as if this year has gone by much too quickly. Where has my tiny baby boy gone? But in others ways it is hard to remember the days and years without you. I am not sure how we ever got by. One thing I know for sure is that our lives are better,because you are in them. Our family is better, because you are a part of it. I am better, because you are my son.

You have grown and changed so much during this first year of your life! You are officially a walker (sometimes a runner), and recently you learned to clap and to dance. Two of the most precious sights that I have ever seen. You are also saying a small handful of words (daddy, kitty, uh oh), but you refuse to call me Mama. It will be sweet music to my ears when you finally say my name! You also love to wave bye bye, and to put a pretend phone up to your ear when we say hello. At one year old you have eight teeth, four on top and four on bottom. Your smile can light up a room. I LOVE to hear you laugh. It is deep, and rich, and contagious. You love balls, and books, and cars. You also love your sisters. Watching the three of you together fills my heart with more joy than I ever knew was possible. I pray that you will always be close.

You still love to eat anything that you can get your hands on, and you are still covered with delicious little rolls. Kissing and nuzzling you are two of my most favorite things to do. And when you give me a "loving" back? The best feeling in the entire world. Watching you sleep is another of my favorites. You curl up on your tummy, tuck your hands in warm under your body, cross your little ankles, and stick your cute little tush in the air. Pure peace and rest fills your face and my soul. You are now sleeping for nine to ten hours each evening, and Daddy and Mama are beginning to recover from the fog that is the first year of a child's life. It has been exhausting, but I have no doubt that we would choose this year over and over again, if we were given the choice. We would choose you over again.

Jack, you are such a blessing to our family. You are such a blessing to me. I am not sure how we got so lucky as to be the ones to know, and to love, and to raise you. But I am grateful. I will always be grateful. Happy first birthday, little man. I love you to the moon and back.

Mama

More Party Pictures

2011-03-12T22:22:00.002-05:00

CELEBRATION

2011-03-10T23:04:00.009-05:00

*** Tonight our campus had a party! We had a wonderful celebration in honor of the gift of knowing and loving our son during this first year of his life. We kept it simple. We invited those families who are closest to Jack, and are so thankful that we are blessed with so many friends who love and pray for our boy. We had supper together (pizza, chips, veggies, grape salad (yummo! Thank you, Ms. Faye!), and cookies. Jack opened a few gifts of love. He received a large blue ball, some adorable outfits made by his Aunt Candy, some super cool new toys, a gallon of whole milk (goodbye formula!), and lots of cards filled with words of love. To say our son is loved on this campus would be an understatement. He is adored! Jack is never lacking for arms to hold him. Emma made him a sweet birthday hat. She had to use three pieces of paper to fit his big head :). Grammy (my mom) made his first birthday cake, and we gathered around the table to sing to him. Then he promptly burst into tears! He was much happier once Mama agreed to spoon feed him his cake and ice cream. Yes, he is quite spoiled. Jack Ryan, you are so very loved! It was a joy to celebrate your precious life. ***

Our Story : The Final Chapter

2011-03-07T22:53:00.005-05:00

*** Well, this is it my friends. The final installment that I will write about our love story. The truth is, I could write about our story forever. Every time that I think about it and recall all of the details of our brief courtship, I think of something else that I want to share with you here. More memories that I never want to forget. But it is time to move on. While I could seemingly get lost in all of the details of our beginning, the "middle" part of our life continues to go on all around me, and there are other life moments that I want to get back to recording in this space. For example, my sweet, chubby, squishy, cuddly, baby boy turns ONE a week from tomorrow (insert wailing Mama sob here)! I will never understand where the time goes, and I don't want to miss a thing. I hope you enjoy the final chapter of how our love came to be!***

After one wonderful week in Ohio, Boss and I returned home to Texas, bought our first kitten Franki, and picked right back up where we had left off. Life was very, very sweet during those days. I absolutely knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. There was not a doubt in my mind, and he had shared that he felt the very same way about me.

In the early days of November, Boss began to act a bit funny and I knew that something was up. For one, he told me that I was NOT allowed to check his email for him, which was a favorite past time of mine. And then there was the time that we were spending the weekend with my parents, and Boss and my dad kept having private conversations. That irritated me to no end. Back then, I felt the need to be involved in every conversation, and if I am being completely honest, not much has changed today :). One afternoon I called Boss' store to see when he was getting off, and they told me that he had already left for the day. So naturally I called his cell phone to see where he was, and he told me that he was still at work. Aha! I had caught him, and I immediately knew that he had a secret girlfriend that he was not telling me about. The only thing that I could not figure out was why he had been talking with my dad about his secret girlfriend. Traitor. It turns out though, that Boss was actually buying my engagement ring the afternoon that I caught him in his lie. And he was talking with my dad about proposing to me. And I could not check his emails, because I would see that he had begun to make payments to the jewelry store. So it all made perfect sense, after all. Thank goodness there was no secret girlfriend. She would have been insanely jealous of my ring.

Last November I recorded on these pages how Boss popped the question , so I won't repeat that story now, but I will say that with his ring on my finger, I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. It was a dream come true, to know that someone loved me enough to want to share his entire lifetime with me. It was a dream come true, to know that that man was Boss. I didn't take my eyes off of my ring for weeks. Being newly engaged was everything that I dreamed of and more, but various people's reactions to our engagement was not.

Surprisingly enough, we had our entire families support. In the beginning, my parents were cautious about my interest in an older, newly divorced man, but their cautions quickly faded as they spent more and more time with him. By the time we were engaged (you know, a whole two months after we started dating ) they were completely okay with our decision to marry. Boss' family was supportive, too. They might have thought it all to be a little fast, but they were nothing but supportive of our choice and respectful of our decision. It was several of our friends who had negative things to say. I know their worry stemmed from concern that this was happening too quickly, but many of their words hurt. I was the happiest that I could ever remember feeling in my entire life, and I wanted those that I loved to be happy for me, too. I will admit that some of my joy was stolen away by their words. But they could not steal the love that was growing in my heart for Boss on a daily basis. Once I asked Boss what we could do to show all of the naysayers that this was the real deal. In his wisdom, he told me that the only thing that would show them that we were forever committed to each other was time. And here we are, almost nine years and three children later. I do believe it is finally safe to say, booyah naysayers! Ohh. That felt good :).

We decided to set the wedding date for May 31, 2003. That would give us six months to plan our special day. I even dropped out of college so that I could put all of my time and efforts into planning our special day. (Gasp! I know, right? To any and all teenagers reading this, dropping out of college to plan your wedding is not wise. Don't worry. I went back to school soon after we were married, before I dropped out again once getting pregnant with Emma. What can I say? For me, dropping out had nothing to do with lacking brains. All I have simply ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother, so a degree and a career were not for me, but I digress.)

I loved every single moment of planning my wedding to Boss. We chose to be married on the grounds of an old, southern Bed and Breakfast, so the decorations were minimal, but the surroundings simple and beautiful. My cousin's wife made all of the flowers. Cake tasting was awesome, and the one we selected rocked. My aunt, and my mother, and I went shopping for my dress. We selected our bridesmaids and groomsmen (people who were important to us during that special season of our lives). We selected music that we loved. My sweet daddy hired a carriage to cart us from the ceremony to our country bar-b-que reception, complete with karaoke and all of our family and friends. If I had to plan it all over again, there is not one thing that I would change. (well, maybe one thing. I think I would have really loved having a first dance. I can just picture Boss and I swaying under the trees to Rascal Flatts The Broken Road. And since we wound up getting pregnant pretty darn fast after we were married anyway, it would not have mattered if I really had gotten pregnant from dancing with a boy, just like my grandpa had told me I would. Ha! Oh, I would have also changed the heat. It was hot as blue blazes that day, with a heat index of 106. Whew!) But seriously, it was the most romantic day of my life. I heart weddings. On May 31, 2003 my life was forever changed. I became Mrs. Boss Zickafoose. Two lives were molded into one. Two hearts began sharing one dream.

So that is our story. Or really, it is God's story. I will always be amazed that he brought a small town, Ohio boy and a big city, Texas girl together in the heart of Aggie country. I will always be amazed at how he worked out all of the details, so that the two of us could transform our two separate lives into one life. I will always be amazed that he created another individual so perfectly for me. And I will always, always be thankful. Those first few months together were complete bliss. But since then,life, with its ups and downs, has also happened. The road we have traveled has not always been easy, but there is no one else on earth that I would rather travel with.

The End.

Our Story (Part 7)

2011-03-01T22:48:00.005-05:00

So where was I? Oh, yes. Boss had just informed me that he wanted me to fly to Ohio with him to meet his family. Next week. Ahh! This was getting really serious, really fast. I determined that we were either crazy in love, or we were just plain crazy, and I hoped it was the first one. No, I knew it was the first one, so I said yes, I will go to Ohio with you, like it was the most normal thing in the world to ditch my classes, hop on a plane, and fly to a state I had never been to with a man that I had only been dating for a month. But it felt right, so I agreed to go.

The first thing I did? To go shopping, of course. Meeting the parents required a whole new wardrobe. Not that there was anything wrong with my old wardrobe, it's just that it wasn't new. And a trip like this required new. I remember I wore a white button down shirt (very sophisticated and mature to impress his mother), jeans (hey, I am a Texas girl, there is no other form of leg attire), and brown boots with a three inch heel (no real reason for this choice, except for the fact that I was sure his family would like me better if I was taller) on the day we flew to meet his family. It was a very cute outfit, but a very bad choice for a day of travel. I was sweating up a storm and my feet were killing me before we had even boarded our first flight. The saying that love hurts had never rang more true. Being in love was literally hurting me that day. But I pressed on.

We reached the area surrounding the airport quite early, so Boss suggested that we have lunch at a nearby mall before we headed on over to catch our flight. I thought it was a superb idea, because my feet clearly needed to move more in my three inch heels. We grabbed a quick bite and then headed to a pet store to browse before we had to leave. Pet stores always made me depressed, and I never made it past the first cage of sweet little kittens in that particular shop. I could have stared at them for hours, but Boss startled me with his next words.

I think we need to get a cat together.

Huh? Come again? First you want me to meet your mother, and now we are going to raise a cat together? Should I remind you that you are newly divorced, you are five and a half years older than I am, and that we have only been dating for a month? Are you insane? (Of course I did not say all of those things. That would have been rude). Instead, I turned to smile at him, and meeting his eyes was all it took. While looking deep into his eyes, I would have agreed to raise five hundred cats with him if he had asked me too. Suddenly it sounded like a brilliant idea. The best idea in the world. So we agreed to buy a kitten the day we returned from our trip. And that was that.

Both flights to Ohio went smoothly. Back then I was not afraid of flying (Now, some days I am afraid to cross the street. Becoming a mother has done something strange to my soul, and suddenly the world has become a much scarier place) and I was simply excited to spend the day with Boss, soaring high above the clouds. We talked a lot that day about trips we wanted to take, and where life might lead us. I made sure that everyone around us knew that he was my boyfriend, because to me it was the best news in the world and I wanted to share it with everyone that I saw. Others might have found me obnoxious, but if they did I did not notice. It was just my man and I on our way to Ohio to meet his family.

After we landed in Columbus, I made a beeline for the nearest restroom so that I could brush my hair, reapply my lipstick, and wipe the excess sweat from my armpits. Just keeping it real. Meeting the family was quite a stressful ordeal for me, and when I am stressed I either sweat, rash, or throw up, so the sweating was actually preferable. It could have been much worse. After I deemed myself presentable, I mustered up my courage and we headed to meet his mom and his sister in baggage claim, and I am happy to report that they were both pleasant and completely normal :). I began to relax immediately. We grabbed our bags and hopped in the car for the hour drive to his parents home. I am not sure what I was expecting Ohio to look like, but what I saw was not it. It looked just like Texas, only more green with more hills. And there was not an Amish buggy in sight. That was a disappointment for sure.

An hour later we pulled up to his parents house (a charming little home in a charming little neighborhood) and I instantly felt at home from the moment that I walked in the door. It was a wonderful week, for sure. Boss' mom showed me pictures of Boss from when he was a baby, we visited his old college campus and spent an evening with his mentor (the same guy who brought him to the church I was attending in the first place), we went to the Pumpkin Show (festivals fast became my new favorite thing), and I met about a bazillion of his relatives. There are seriously that many. But I think the best part was getting to spend so much uninterrupted time with Boss. We talked, and we talked, and we talked. Late at night, after everyone else went to bed, we would sit up and talk. He told me more about his past and his first marriage, and everyone that I met reaffirmed what I was beginning to know for sure in my heart. That Boss was the real deal. That his divorce was not his fault, and there was nothing that he could have done to save his first marriage. He was genuine, hard working, loyal, and caring. And most importantly he was committed to Christ. By the time we left Ohio, I was head over heels in love with this man. For me, there was no turning back.

To Be Continued.

P.S. We did head to the animal shelter and pick out our kitten the day after we returned from our trip. We had wanted a male cat, so that we could name him Frank (after Frank Sinatra, because he sings our song, The Way You Look Tonight), but we ended up selecting a female kitten instead. I was walking past her cage to get to the cage that I was told held a brand new litter of tiny, fuzzy kittens, when out of no where a scrawny black paw swatted my arm. When we peered into her cage, she was the ugliest little kitten that we had ever seen. But we immediately knew that she was ours. She had chosen us. Since she was a girl we named her Franki with a heart dotted I, and she is still with us today. Our first, hairy, black baby. She lived with Boss until we were married, but she has really always been my girl. Shh. Don't tell. Boss thinks that she likes him best.

Our Story (Part 6)

2011-02-28T21:30:00.004-05:00

On September 10, 2002, Boss and I went on our very first date. For the life of me, I cannot remember what either of us wore (odd, seeing as I remember so many other random details from this time in our lives). I do remember, though, that my roommate curled my hair for me and that I was incredibly nervous and rashy. Spending time with Boss made me want to throw up. In a good way. But I was also excited and in love. For some reason that I cannot explain, I just knew that I was about to go on a date with the one that God had been preparing just for me. And that is an incredible feeling.

Boss was the perfect gentleman on our date. Who am I kidding? Even now, over eight years later, he still remains a gentleman. He picked me up right on time, he opened the car door for me every time I got in or out, and on the passenger seat of his car he had placed a single long stemmed yellow rose. He took me to Johnny Carrino's for dinner and we both ordered fettuccine alfredo. Neither of us ate more than a few bites :).

After dinner we stopped at the same park that we had met at several weeks before, where he had shared his heart with me. But this time it was different. We were together. Beginning our lives together, and we both knew it. We both felt it. He grabbed my hand as we started walking, and my heart began to beat a little bit faster. His hand was strong and warm, and I did not want him to let go. I remember thinking that night that I wanted to hold his hand for the rest of my life.

After our walk through the park, we headed back to my house and watched The Rookie. Well, the movie was on, but I didn't really watch it:). My eyes were fixed on the screen throughout the entire film, but I was not watching it. I was too busy wondering about what Boss was thinking about. Did he like me as much as I liked him? Was my hand sweating too much as he held it in his? Was he bored? Was he going to kiss me for the first time tonight? Did my breath stink? These thoughts pounded my brain and even though I knew that he would be leaving once the movie ended I was so glad when it was finally over! My brain could not take much more thinking.At the end of our date I walked Boss to the door, and he informed me that he was going to kiss me goodnight. He did. And it was wonderful. And then I went to the bathroom and threw up, because nothing says love like vomit :).

For the entire next month, Boss and I hung out together every single moment that he was not working. It is safe to say that my grades seriously began to suffer that semester once Boss entered my life. I went from studying sociology, to studying him. He was a much more fascinating subject and I wanted to learn everything that I could about him. I wanted to pass every single test. He made my heart happy and being with him was the only place that I wanted to be. We would go out to eat, walk at our park, hang out with our friends, take drives through the country, eat frozen custard, and fall more in love with each passing day. Boss often brought me gifts when he would pick me up for our dates, just little things to let me know that he had been thinking of me throughout his day, and he would flood my inbox with emails. I remember thinking... AGH! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! ONE I CAN CALL ANYTIME THAT I WANT! ONE THAT WANTS TO BE WITH ME AND SAYS SO! I don't believe that my face was ever without a smile during our first month together.

Sometime towards the end of the month, I took Boss down to meet my family. My Aunt Connie was having a birthday party for the September birthdays at her house and Boss offered to drive me there and go with me. We got lost on the hour drive to her home, but instead of being irritated with me for not writing down the directions like he had suggested :), he simply said he did not care how long it took us to get there as long as we were together. (I might still like to remind him of this when we get lost or things take longer than we anticipated in our day to day life now).Needless to say, my family loved Boss. What's not to love?

Things were sailing along in our world and everything was going great. I couldn't remember ever feeling happier in my life. And then after our one month anniversary, he told me that he wanted me to fly to Ohio with him to meet his family.

Oh sure, I thought. He had met my family. It only made sense that I meet his in the coming months.

So, when do you want to go to Ohio, I asked him. In January? After the holidays? That sounded like a reasonable time frame to me.

But his answer was different than I had expected. He looked me in the eye and asked, Are you free next week? I am pretty sure that I choked on my spit. This, my friends, were getting serious.

To Be Continued.

P.S. Remember that little detail about Boss moving to Austin at the end of September? Yeah, it never happened :). And that had nothing to do with him choosing to stay for me. The day he was to fax over his new lease agreement, he got a call from Corporate saying that the transfer was not going to happen and that at this time he was to stay put. A mere coincidence? I think not :).

Our Story (Part 5)

2011-02-21T15:39:00.012-05:00

** For parts 1 through 4, see posts below.**

During the last several days of August, and into the first days of September, Boss and I hung out together as much as we possibly could. If there was a group activity, we were there. We went out with our friends to several restaurants, we went bowling, and we went to an Aggie football game. I even went to his store to buy tennis shoes from him. You know, because I needed new tennis shoes. Seriously. I did. We also talked on the phone. Every single night. My feelings were growing for Boss with each passing day. Sometimes it felt as if my heart would burst from emotion. But still, we waited. Praying all the while that God was working things out "behind the scenes". I never should have doubted that he was, in a way that was even better than I ever could have imagined.

September 9th, 2002 was a Wednesday. I saw Boss at church services that night, and as he walked me out to my car after service had ended he said that he had a gift for me. He grabbed my present out of his car, and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hands. When I opened them, he had placed a beautiful silver blue and cream journal in them. I opened the journal up to the first page, and on it he had written me a sweet note. He said that he noticed that I liked to write and take notes, and that he hoped he would get the privilege of watching me take notes for a very long time. He said that I encouraged him, and that he loved being around me. And he said many other sweet things that I cannot recall off the top of my head. But his words touched my heart. I was not used to receiving affection so openly from a man. All I had ever really experienced before Boss, was games. That journal, and the words that he had written inside, was the most thoughtful gift that I had ever received. I timidly looked up at him and told him I was worried that we would never get to be together like we wanted to be together. That he was never going to be free to move on with his life.

And then he said the most beautiful words that my ears had been aching to hear. He asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him the next night.

What? A date? I thought we agreed that we would not date until the divorce was final? What did he mean, did I want to go on a date? Did he mean a date, date? Finally, he told me to be quiet so that he could answer my questions :).He informed me that he had gotten a court date to finalize his divorce for the very next morning. After waiting for nine months, he had finally gotten his court date for September 10th, and he wanted to take me out that night to celebrate. In case you were wondering, I said yes. :)

Later that night I was scanning through the journal that he had given me, rereading his words, and thinking about our future together. I was excited to see it unfold, to see it come alive, much like the words that I would soon pen to the page. Our story was finally beginning. And then my eye caught a glimpse of some words, about halfway through the journal, as I was thumbing through the pages. I found the page that I had seen, and on it Boss had written me another sweet message. The words read:

Hi Kendra...

I wonder what today is? It is September 9ht right now. Whatever today is, I hope that you had a good day. If not, I hope that coming across these words brought a smile to your face, which I might think is quite cute...but I'll never tell! No matter when you are reading this, or how much time has passed, I hope to see you soon!

- Ben

And that was when I knew that I was in love. And that this was real. Boss was supposed to be moving away soon, but I no longer cared about the details. I knew that God would work it all out. And I knew that Boss really did care about me. After all, he had no way of knowing when I would have read those words in the middle of the journal. If I had written one page every single day, and not skipped ahead, it would have taken me months to reach the middle pages. And yet he still wrote that he hoped to see me soon. That meant that he hoped he was still part of my life in the months to come. And that felt good. I went to sleep that night a happy girl. Happy, and in love, thanking God for bringing Boss my way. He was more than I ever could have dreamed of.

To Be Continued.

These Boots Jammies Were Made For Walkin'

2011-02-20T22:06:00.003-05:00

On February 16th, Jack Ryan took his first steps. It was by accident, I really do believe. You see, he was in quite a hurry to get to the princess ball with his sisters. They had fancied up the kitchen, streamers and scarves were tied everywhere, there was music jammin' (Camp Rock 2), and, this was the kicker, he heard there was going to be limbo at this ball. Jack loves limbo. Or, I'm sure he would love it if he knew what it was. Anyway, his sisters had even dressed him up in a fancy Cinderella ensemble. It coordinated very nicely with his blue footed jammies. So here's how it happened. Jack was standing next to the couch after getting dressed, and he was super excited, so he just took off! He made it two or three steps before he tripped over his skirt and fell. We all clapped and cheered and he cried and cried. But ever since then he has been taking a few independent steps each day. We knew that soon he would really take off, and we were waiting for the moment. That moment was tonight!

We were attending a church supper and were sitting in a circle with our friends. Once the floor was cleared of dishes, cups, and trash, Jack's Uncle Scotty put him on the floor to let him do his thang. He crawled over to Aunt Candy, and then she stood him up to get him to walk back to Scott. AND HE DID! He walked all the way across the circle without falling. When he would begin to wobble, he would steady himself, and then keep going. It was precious, precious, precious. (And his father would like for me to note that this time, he was not wearing a skirt). So it is official. We now have a walker! We love you Jack Ryan! You are growing up way too fast!

Eleven Month Update

2011-02-15T23:30:00.003-05:00

Our little boy is now eleven months old. Hard to believe that we will be celebrating his first birthday in just one month. I am not quite sure where the time has gone. But one thing is for certain, Jack Ryan is growing up right before our eyes. And he is SUCH a JOY! Every day, he makes me smile. Every single day. His eyes sparkle, his cheeks glow, and his smile is contagious. It is hard not to be happy when he is around. We are so blessed that he is our son.

At eleven months old, Jack is sporting six teeth (two on top and four on bottom). His hair is really starting to come in, and the bald spot on the back of his head is almost entirely covered now. His hair is light golden brown, much like his big sister Emma, and it has the same fine, wispy texture. Jack still loves to eat, and likes anything that I put in front of him. We are working on eating more small meals, and less bottles. Daddy is counting the days until we kiss formula goodbye. Can you say pay raise? :) The only two words that he says are uh oh and Dada. We are working on saying Mama, but no such luck. What can I say? I guess he is saving the best for last.

At his last Dr.'s appointment (for his third double ear infection in the last few months), Jack weighed in at 21 pounds even, and I do believe that he is finally starting to trim down. It will be a sad, sad day when he loses the last of his baby chub. His chub is just so kissable all over. There is nothing better than his squishy, chubby baby thighs. Sleep continues to be decent. He always goes to sleep at eight and wakes us up with smiles at five. He takes two naps a day. He continues to crawl everywhere and cruise around the furniture. I know he will be walking any day now. And that seems impossible. My baby is growing up too quickly.

Jack is our sweet, sweet baby boy. He makes us so happy. Our hearts are filled with joy. Thank you, God, for the gift of our son.

Our Story (Part 4)

2011-02-15T10:23:00.004-05:00

**For previous entry's about our love story, see below.**

I already shared with you that by the middle of August, after really only getting to know him for about two weeks, I was smitten with the man whom I now lovingly call Boss. (Yes, I even call him that in real life. It's our thang.) One Sunday night after service, I began talking to the preacher's wife about my growing feelings (she really is the cutest little lady that you ever did see, and she still is). She said it was no surprise to her, because she could see that I was glowing. After watching me struggle in a relationship for so long that was not working, she said she was glad to see me so happy. And then she said that she had good news :). Apparently that morning she and her husband had been talking with Boss, and he had shared with her that he was interested in me! And he wanted to know what they thought about him one day pursuing me. Ahh! On the same day that I professed my feelings about Boss to someone else, he confessed his own growing feelings to the exact same person. To say that I squealed with delight would be an understatement. I was ecstatic! The preacher's wife and I squealed for several minutes (I might have even jumped up and down), before regaining composure and acting like the sophisticated ladies that we were.

The next night I went to a back to school cook out at a young couples house from church. The entire congregation was invited. I hoped that Boss was going to be there, but I had no way of knowing if he was working that night or not. Of course I bought a new shirt, just in case he showed, and it was a good thing that I did. (My poor daddy funded many new shirts during this season of my life.) Shortly after I arrived, Boss walked in. It was a fun night! Boss flirted with me (subtly, of course), and I giggled and rashed like a school girl. It was very smooth. If he did not love me before, he was sure to love me now. As the evening was coming to an end, "somehow" Boss and I wound up walking out to our cars at the exact same time, and surprisingly (or not surprising at all) no one else was out there. I think we had been set up :). He walked me to my car door, and we awkwardly stood there, smiling at each other for several seconds (or was it minutes? With him, I found myself losing track of time), before he stumbled all over his words and asked me if maybe could he get my phone number? Of course I said yes, and he punched it into his cell phone, before we both hurriedly got into our cars and drove our separate ways. Smooth we were not. But happy, we were. I had no idea when he was going to call, but I could not wait!

I did not have to wait long. The next afternoon my phone rang right as I was coming in the door from class. I grabbed it, breathless, and it was him. My knees went week. He said that he was calling to ask me to meet him at a park that was close to my house. I asked him when he wanted to meet. He said, how about in fifteen minutes? Wow! A man who did not play games! He knew what he wanted and went for it. I liked that. I negotiated for thirty minutes (so I could change into a new shirt and brush my teeth), and then I headed to the park. He was already waiting there for me when I arrived.We both exited our cars and began to walk. We walked for several minutes before he said anything to me at all. But it was okay, because I liked his company. It did not feel like work to be with him. It was comfortable. Even though I was nervous and felt like I was going to throw up. In a good way.

Finally, he started talking, and he did not beat around the bush. He told me that he liked me, that he was interested in starting a relationship with me, but that he had to be very honest with me about something up front. I was not prepared for what he would share next. He told me that he was actually still married, but that he was in the final process of completing his divorce. Huh? Come again? Never in a million years was that what I thought he was going to say! My first question to him, does the preacher's wife know?? I knew there was no way that she would have tried to set me up with a married man if she had known! I was stunned when he told me that yes, she knew. Of course I tried to keep my cool while he was talking, but my mind was reeling, so I just listened.

He told me that they had married young. He was only twenty and she eighteen. He told me that she had not been a Christian when they had gotten married, and that he had been advised not to marry her, but that he had done it anyway. He said that they had been happy for the first two years. She had become a Christian, and they had been happy. But then she started staying out later, or not coming home at all. And he soon found out that she was cheating on him. That she was drinking and using drugs. That she had not only abandoned her new love of Christ, but that she had also abandoned him and their marriage vows. His heart was broken. Since college was coming to a close for him, he decided to accept a job offer in Arizona, and she agreed to come along. He wanted to leave everything behind and start over in their marriage. He was hopeful, he said. But it was not meant to be. Life in Arizona was no different with her. She was still cheating. Still doing drugs. It was a new crowd, but she was still acting like the person she had become back in Ohio. He was crushed.

Soon Boss accepted a new job with Champs Sports. I will forever be grateful that he made that decision, because that is how he landed himself in College Station, Texas, of all places. He took over the store there. His wife followed him, mainly because she had no money without him, but it was clear that their marriage was over. And he began the process of starting the divorce. He knew that God hated divorce, and he felt ashamed, but he also knew that it was in fact a scriptural divorce, and he hoped that he would one day get a second chance at having a godly marriage.He said he had never felt more alone in his life. This, was the dark season that he had been going through. This, was what he had been wrestling with God about. Hers was the picture that he had used to carry in his Bible. It all made sense to me now, and my heart broke for him. I instantly knew that I wanted to be the one that would make him smile again. I wanted to be the one that made him take a second chance on love.

I thanked him for being brave enough to share his story with me. He asked me if I was still interested, and told me that he understood if I wasn't. I told him I was. But we both agreed that we would not take things any further until his divorce was finalized, and we had no idea how long that would take. Sometimes those things drug on forever, he said. But we agreed to wait, because even though his marriage had been over for a year, and even though they had not lived together for longer, he was still technically married. So he still belonged to someone else. We did go to dinner together that night, the last thing that we agreed we would do alone, before he was free to date again. Any other time that we spent together would be in a group setting. When I left the restaurant that night, my heart was a bit heavy. I knew in my heart that he was the one for me. My Mr. Right, the one that I had been waiting for, and now I was going to have to wait even longer.

To Be Continued.

Valentines Day - Family Style

2011-02-14T22:34:00.006-05:00

Boss is my forever Valentine. He is the only one that I have ever had, and that makes my heart happy. While I dated other guys during high school and college, I was never seeing anyone on Valentines day. I celebrated my very first Valentines day with Boss, when we were newly engaged. It was wonderful. Everything that you think a Valentines date should be. I bought and wore a sparkly red and black dress, he wore a shirt and tie. He sent me roses and took me out to a fancy dinner. And then he suffered through a chick flick, while I cried sappy, happy tears. Because I have always loved love.

Our second Valentines was pretty romantic, too. I was newly pregnant with Emma and he had to work that day, but it did not stop us from celebrating our love. Boss made me a CD of all of my favorite love songs, and when he arrived home from the store that night, tired and hungry, I had dinner waiting for him complete with soft music and lit candles. The next day we left for a week long cruise.

Those were the only two Valentines that we celebrated with just he and I. We started having children, our love grew by leaps and bounds with each one, and now we celebrate the day family style. Sometimes I miss those days of getting dressed up and going out, but I know they will come back again in several years, and then I will miss these days. Because these days are beautiful, too.

Today I was woken up with kisses from all four of my favorite people. At lunchtime, Boss brought me home a dozen yellow roses (always yellow, because he says I am his yellow rose from Texas), and he brought the girls home chocolates and cards. All three of us pretty much think he hung the moon. And then tonight we had a special family dinner. I decorated the table, made place cards, and left a little surprise on every ones chair. We feasted on spaghetti, garlic bread, and tossed salad. We ate by candlelight. Dessert was homemade strawberry cake with icing made from scratch, or iced chocolate brownies. And then the big girls and I watched Fireproof. And we all cried. Because we are silly girls. To complete my day, I am about to head up the stairs, move tiny sleeping bodies into their own beds, feed my growing baby one last bottle, and then crawl into the arms of my forever Valentine. It has been a beautiful day.

Our Story (Part 3)

2011-02-14T09:52:00.013-05:00

*For the first two entry's of our story, see posts below*

Eventually that second semester of my sophomore year of college came to an end, and soon it was summer of 2002. I was supposed to be taking off on a mission trip to Russia that summer, with my "friend" and a group of other college kids, to teach English at a camp for children. I had gone on this same trip the previous summer, and it was wonderful. I grew a lot in the Lord that summer, and the children of Russia held a special place in my heart. But I realized that it was not meant to be for me to head back there this particular summer. I had some personal things going on in my life during that time (another story for another day), and my parents and I decided that I would head to Arizona, instead.

That was a hard decision for me to make. For one, I did not like that I was backing out of a commitment I had made to the Russia trip. Two, I was headed to Arizona for what I thought at the time would be the worst summer of my life (I was oh, so very wrong). And last of all, my "friend" would still be going on the Russia trip. Without me. But somewhere deep in my soul, I knew that it was time to let go. I knew in a way, that by us going our separate ways that summer, that we were somehow telling each other goodbye. To be honest, it broke my heart, but I knew it was the right thing to do. We had been working far too hard, for far too long, at something that was not meant to be. For either of us. And I was losing myself in the process. So I bit the bullet, mustered up what little courage I had left, and we headed our separate ways.

That summer in Arizona ended up being the best summer of my life, pre-marriage years, of course. It was a time of healing for me. A time to rediscover who I was. I made wonderful girlfriends that lasted for a wonderful season in my life. I became bold and confident in who I was, and the plans that God had for me in my life. No matter what they were. I remember going hiking with a friend one sunny afternoon. All of a sudden we came upon a breathtaking view, and instantly my thoughts flew to Boss. At the time, I was not sure where thoughts of him had come from, but it seemed to fit the moment. My "friend" and I still talked occasionally on the phone that summer, but I could feel my heart beginning to heal. It was no longer painful to talk to him, but not be with him. I knew that I had officially moved on.

When July came to a close, on my 20th birthday to be exact, I bid my Arizona friends goodbye, and boarded a plane to head back to Texas. I was excited about starting over. I spent one week with my family, and then I headed back to school, even though classes would not be starting for another month. I returned to College Station on a Sunday afternoon, and headed up to church service that night. There were not many college kids back yet, and very few people filled the pews that night (we were in our own building by then), but as I looked around, my eyes landed on the back of a familiar head. A very nice, dark head. And a neck covered with lots of tiny freckles. Boss was back. And I was, too.

After service that night, the few of us young people that were there went out to eat at Fudruckers. Boss came too, and I got to have a lengthy conversation with him for the very first time. He talked about his first love, Ohio State football, and he told me about growing up in a small Ohio town. He told me about where he went to college, and I was surprised to learn that someone as young as he was, already had his Master's degree. He told me about his work as a Manager for Champs Sports. I thought everything he said was brilliant. It was a very good night.

For the next two weeks, I lived for church services so that I would get to see Boss. He was a regular now, after several months of sporadic attendance, and I learned that he had been a regular all summer. Even while the majority of the young people were gone, he had continued to show up. That impressed me, and it was evident that he had worked out whatever he had been wrestling about with God. Another thing I noticed? The picture that he carried in his Bible of that girl was gone. It seemed he had finally moved on from that dark season of his life. Funny timing, because I had moved on from my dark season, as well.

By the middle of August, I was quite smitten. Even though I had learned that Boss was supposed to be transferring to a store in Austin within the next month, I could not help myself. There was just something about him. Besides the fact that he smelled delicious, he made me feel like no one else ever had. When I talked to him, he listened, and seemed genuinely interested. Where I was loud and sarcastic, he was quiet and sincere. We balanced each other nicely. I knew it was crazy to have fallen so hard, so fast, and sometimes I wondered if I had learned anything at all that summer, after all. But there was one thing that I had in my new found love interest that I had never experienced before, and that was peace. I knew that no matter what happened, ,whether he moved or stayed, it was all going to work out just as it should. And I ultimately knew that whether he chose me, picked me over anyone else, or not, that I was going to be okay. And that felt good.

To Be continued.

Our Story (Part 2)

2011-02-11T23:54:00.008-05:00

*** For the first part of our story, see post below.***

The next morning I awoke, still feeling quite sad. It was a brand new day, but my heart and my attitude did not feel brand new. I still felt sad, and tired, and lonely. The only plan I had ever made for my life was to be a wife and then one day a mother. Nothing else interested me. I did not want a career. The scary part was that my dream had to involve a man picking me, choosing me over anyone else, and that was completely out of my control. I desperately wanted God's peace about the situation. I was just afraid that I would not like His final answer.

I seriously contemplated not attending worship services that morning. To be honest, I was kind of grumpy with God. I was not in the mood to plaster on a fake smile and pretend to be a carefree college girl. And besides, my "friend" was not going to be there, because he was still camping (little did I know, that that was all part of God's plan). I laid there for a few more minutes, wrestling with my heart about what I should do. In the end, I decided to get up and get going. I knew if I didn't I would have half the group of college kids from church pounding at my door after services to see why I was not there or if I needed something. (They were all pretty great like that).

Since it was the Sunday before Valentines day, I remember that I dressed in a little black and red skirt (little in size, not length, because I was in fact little back then.I would like to take this time to personally thank my three children, Coke-a-Cola Classic, and those beautiful golden arches for making me the ~~size~~ person that I am today), a black top, and strappy black sandals. And then I headed out the door.

Once I got to the Hilton, my attitude did begin to lift a tiny bit. There was just something special about the people that would soon be gathering in that tiny little conference room, and as depressed as I was, one could not be anything but happy to be seeing all of those people soon. And besides, my mamma's words from the night before were still ringing in my ears, you never know who will walk through that door. Since I was running a bit late (you know, because of the very important pity party I was having earlier in my bed) service had already started, so I slid quietly into a chair next to my friend Jeana. I began looking around the room at all of the faces gathered there. All of the usuals were accounted for. Some very dear people to me. And while I could not deny that I had been hoping that my mom would have been right, that we might have had some visitors that day, oddly I was at peace, and I began to focus on the words to the song that we were singing. And that's when I heard the doors to the little conference room open behind me.

I am pretty sure that the entire room of people turned around to see who was entering the room (again, we did not get many new faces and all of the usuals were accounted for), but I am probably the only one who remembers that particular day or the visitors we had. For that was the very first time that I laid eyes on Boss. And he took my breath away. Three men (yes, they were men, and not boys. I noticed that right away. I would later find out that Boss was five and a half years older than I was) walked into the conference room that Sunday morning, but I only had eyes for one. Good thing, too, because I would later notice that the other two men were sporting wedding rings :).

By this time the service had picked right back up, and Boss had slid into the chair directly in front of me. I noticed that he was wearing a plaid button down shirt, green cargo pants, and Doc Martins. And I noticed that he smelled good. And that he had a lot of tiny freckles covering the back of his neck. They were very nice freckles. And then I decided that I had better get my mind back focused on the service. (Even if I did steal another peak or two at his freckles.)

After service ended, I learned that the guy with the freckles had a name. It was a very nice name, that just happened to sound good combined with mine, if I did say so myself. And I learned that out of the three men, Boss was the only one who lived in College Station. Thank goodness for me! The other two men were his brother and his mentor/friend, and they were visiting from Ohio. (Later on I would learn that during this time, Boss was going through quite a dark period in his life, and his brother and friend were there to encourage him and to get him back on track with God. It was his friend who suggested they attend the little church that met in the Hilton that morning. So very glad that he did!) Lastly, I learned that Boss was not a student, but he was instead working in the area as a Manager for Champs Sports. An older, working man. I liked that.

Some of the college kids asked if the three visitors wanted to join us for lunch at Fajita Rita's (a Mexican joint), and they accepted. I wound up getting to sit right next to Boss throughout the entire meal. (See? Part of God's plan. Had my "friend" been in town, I would have sat right next to him, and Boss would have assumed we were a couple, as that is what everyone always assumed.Our relationship was not easily explained.) We didn't talk much, even though there were definite sparks, but I noticed everything that he said and did. He ordered Root Beer to drink. He had kind, shy eyes. He paid for the entire tables meals. He said that he would be back that night. Needless to say, I went home a very happy girl. Well, I went home a happy girl, after I went to the mall and bought a new shirt to wear to service that night. And then I called my mom to tell her the good news, that we had visitors that morning, and that one of the visitors was cute. And she was nice enough not to say, I told you so. Boss did come back to services that night. And he told me that he liked my shirt :). See dad? That money I spent was totally worth it.

Over the next three months, Boss would sporadically show up at services. He would be there several weeks in a row, and then he would disappear for awhile. Occasionally I would go and stalk him at his store in the mall. He was always polite when we would talk, always remembering my name, but always keeping his distance. During this time I was on again with my "friend", but Boss was never far from my mind. I would think about him, my special visitor that I believed God had sent just for me, to remind me to keep my hope alive. I did not really think that Boss was my Mr. Right. In fact, one time I caught him looking at a picture of another girl that he carried in his Bible, and I assumed his heart belonged to someone else, but to me, he represented hope. Hope that you never knew who was going to walk right through a door and into your heart. Hope that the Master Weaver was still up there at work, weaving people in and out of our lives, and you would never know when He was going to weave in the "one". Yes, Boss was my message of hope. My very cute, very studly, message of hope.

To Be Continued.

Our Story (Part 1)

2011-02-10T10:33:00.007-05:00

*** Nine years ago today, I met my husband for the very first time. I didn't know then, that he was going to be my husband, but I did know that I thought he was quite good looking (okay. I thought he was super hot), and that he made me rashy. All very good things. Seeing as we are currently celebrating the month of love, I thought it would be a good time to record the story of how we met and married on the pages here. Sometimes I want there to be more romance; more time together. Sometimes I wish that we never argued, or that we had done this or that differently. Sometimes I wish I still looked like we did when we first met. Okay. I always wish that. Sometimes I forget about how we came to "be", as after nine years together, it sort of begins to feel like we have always been. But when I take the time to stop and think about how God brought a small town Southern Ohio boy and a big city Texas girl together in the middle of Aggie Country (Whoop!), at a Hilton hotel of all places, I get chills. Our story is not one without bumps along the way. It is not perfect. But it is a great story, because it is ours. And we are definitely planning on living happily ever after. ***

With the telling of every good story, I believe that one must start at the beginning. I won't start at the very beginning, mind you, as I want to spare you the details of how my mother thought she was peeing on herself for a few hours before she realized she was in labor with me a month early (you can thank me later), but I will start with letting you know that I have always known that I wanted to get married. Always. Some people know that they enjoy the party lifestyle. Some people know that they would be better off being single. But not me. My heart was meant for marriage. When I was a young child and I had to sleep upstairs in a room all by myself, I did not long for a sister to share my room with me. I longed for a husband. That's right. I was a scrawny little eight year old who dreamed of my wedding day, so that I would no longer have to sleep alone. And my yearning to be married only grew with each passing year.

Back in my day, boys and girls started "going out" in the second grade. Seriously. All that really meant was that they would hold hands on the bus or on the playground, and that they would pass notes with 'I Love You's' back and forth. Now that my own daughter will be in the second grade next year, that behavior appauls me. No stinky boy had better lay a hand on my baby girl! Besides, she is going to marry her daddy. Ahem. But boy/girl relationships were thrust into my world at a very young age. In sixth grade I remember wanting a boyfriend so badly, that I made one up. I named him Cody. We talked on the phone every single night. It's true. So very embarassing and sad, but true. And in junior high, my feelings of wanting a boy to love me only grew stronger. Again, not proud of how desperately I wanted affection during that time in my life, but I am just keeping it real.

I got my first boyfriend when I was sixteen. I sure thought he was a hunk. (Yes, we used the word hunk back then. We also used the words rad, chuck, and dude.) We "dated" for a couple of months and he was my very first kiss. He dumped me on Valentines day when he realized that I was never going to "give" him what he wanted. I was crushed. The next boy that I dated was a nicer fellow. He took me out to dinner a few times, took me for rides in his truck, and then he left for college. Bummer. Again, I was crushed. My last high school boyfriend was a bad boy. I am pretty sure my mother cried during the whole five months that we dated. I thank God that I was able to keep myself pure during the months that we dated, even though that is not what he wanted. And then I left for college. (Insert side note: My experiences with high school boyfriends, from my church youth group no less, are some of the reasons that I home school my children and plan on locking them in the basement until they are thirty. Or maybe forty. Or possibly forever and ever. Amen.)

College was a wonderful time for me. While I fully admit that I am one of those girls who attended college to get her Mrs. degree (aren't you glad to know that I graduated with honors?), I gained so much more from my college years than simply finding a husband. I was able to leave most of the insecurities and impurities that littered the halls of the highschool I attended, behind, and I embarked on a new journey. I surrounded myself with Christian friends, friends with the same values that I had, went on mission trips, and figured out more about the person that God had created me to be along the way. My longing for a husband though, was still very much there.

My first college boyfriend was named Kenny. Wouldn't that have been cute? Not. Kenny and Kendra. Wow. Thank goodness that relationship did not pan out. I realized that good old Kenny was not the one when I figured out that his idea of a good date was to drive me to a creek underneath a highway overpass, so that I could sit and watch him fish in said creek. For several hours. Poor, poor Kenny. I sure do hope he has found himself a fish loving woman, because while he did have a very nice truck, he was not the one for me.

Shortly after Kenny, I met a boy who I truly thought was the one for me. We never technically dated. We were only ever "friends", but it was a relationship that consumed the better part of two years of my life. And while looking back, I am so thankful that God spared us from ever getting involved with each other romantically (as he was clearly not the one God intended me for), those were sometimes very dark and emotional days for me. I was trying day after day to be something I was not. I tried to change myself to fit into the mold that I knew that my friend was looking for in a future wife. I felt more and more alone on the inside, but it was a relationship that I could not seem to get out of. One day we would be working towards maybe, slightly, a tiny fuyure together, and the next day we were back to being just friends. I criend many tears over this boy. But it was also during this time that I began to draw closer to God. College was coming to an end for many of my friends, couples were starting to pair up, weddings were happening, and I was feeling more and more alone.

I began to wrestle with God about his plans for my life. Did He wish for me to remain single forever? Was marriage not in His plan for me? But if marriage was not in His plans, then why were my desires so strong? I began to earnestly pray about and for the partner that I hoped and prayed God was preparing just for me. I started a journal of love notes to my future husband, before I even knew his name. I tried my best to daily turn my life over to God and His timing. And though there were still many questions and tears, I can honestly say that I began to find bits and pieces of peace and trust forming in my soul.

I remember clearly the night before I met Boss for the very first time. It was a Saturday night, and I was home early. My on again, off again "friend" was out of town on a guy's camping trip, and I was feeling sad. I was sitting on top of my worn white comforter, on my twin bed, in a tiny little house that I shared with two friends. I was talking on the phone with my momma. I had been for a couple of hours, and by the time we were nearing the end of our conversation I was crying. I asked my momma what I would do if God never brought someone into my life that He intended to be just for me. That loved me for who I was. That didn't want to change me. And you know what my momma said? She said, "Sweetheart, do not lose faith. Do not quit hoping. He will bring your special someone into your life at just the right moment. For all you know, your Mr. Right could walk right through those church doors tomorrow morning." I didn't believe her, but I felt better as I got off the phone.

At the time I was attending worship services each week with about forty other Christians in a small conference room at the Hilton. Needless to say, we hardly ever got visitors, so I was certain that my Mr. Right was NOT going to be walking through those church doors the very next morning, but I went to sleep that night dreaming about how wonderful it would be if he actually did. Little did I know that my dreams were about to come true.......

To Be Continued.

Made New

2011-02-09T23:31:00.002-05:00

Lately, my attitude has been suffering. Wouldn't you know that on my new journey to find Christ, Satan would try to smack me down right off the bat? It's true. He has. And it hasn't been pretty. I have been grumbling. I have been complaining. I have been throwing myself a week long pitty party. I have been fighting the urge to want "more" in life than what I have been given. I have been desiring more money and more time with my husband. I have been preoccupied and less than patient with my children, and I have been less than a tuned out house parent. Truthfully, a lot of my mood stemmed from feeling burned out of house parenting. It's nothing that the kids in our care have done or not done lately, I had just been desiring my own home and my own life. Carrying the burdens of so many people's lives had just gotten too heavy, and I wanted to quit. Or at the very least lock my door, crawl into my bed (alone), and pull the covers up to my chin. And not get up until summer. I am not proud of the way that I have been acting, but I am being honest. I needed a kick in the pants to get back on track with what truly matters in this life. Tonight I got one.

K (we will call her that for privacy), has lived with our family for a year and a half. When she first moved in with us, she was very angry. In fact, she ran away that very first week :). She had adoptive parents who loved her, but at that time she wanted nothing to do with them. She didn't want anything to do with anyone, really, unless we were talking about boys. She was (and still is) a teenage girl, after all:). But time passed, and day after day,month after month,we began to see layers of her anger and her rebellious spirit chip away. She began to smile and take pride in the way that she cared for herself and dressed. She raised her grades and started making plans for an academic future. She mended broken relationships with her family. Instead of tolerating worship services with our family, she began seeking and desiring answers on her own. Her heart changed and it showed in the way that she began to live her life. While I consider K one of our few "success" cases (out of 36), I had sadly (for me) began to think that our work with her was done. When you are in this field for any length of time, sometimes you begin to lose hope as so many young girls with great potential never amount to anything. It can become quite disheartening. So with all of the progress that K had made, I had somewhat believed that was as good as it was going to get. Shame on me. Because God was still at work.

A couple of weeks ago, K began to discuss baptism with Boss and I. She has been studying her Bible for quite some time, and she had decided that she believed that Jesus Christ was in fact the Son of God, and that she wanted to be baptized. When a child in the custody of the county wants to make a decision such as this, they must have county approval, so we started making calls, praying, and waiting for the final decision to be made. K's decision was already made, and I am confident that God knew her heart, regardless of what the county ended up deciding. Anyway, I did not know that tonight was going to be "the night" going into it. But it was. And it was awesome.

Boss got the privilege of baptizing K. A first for him. Bless his heart, he was so nervous. Everything he had planned to say flew right out the window, and he stuck with the basics, but that doesn't matter (I have reassured him:). What matters is that a soul has been saved. What matters is that a slate has been wiped clean, and a heart has been made new. It was a beautiful, sobering moment that reminded all who witnessed it that God does not give up on us, and that we are never so lost that we cannot be found. It was a sobering moment for me and my bad attitude that wanted to quit. That wanted to be selfish and lazy. And as we walked with K to the front of the auditorium tonight, my sweet husband whispered in to my ear, this is why we do what we do. And he is right. Not that it in any way, shape, or form is about us, but instead it is about God working through us, and everyone who surrounds these kids, to bring about His purposes for their lives. And even if K is the only one that we ever influence in this manner, then it is still worth it. I needed that reminder. With God, all things can be made new, whether it is K's heart and soul, or my bad attitude. With Him, anything is possible. This, I believe. I am so very proud of you, K!

Love

2011-02-01T21:05:00.004-05:00

Happy month of love, sweet friends! Valentines has never been "big" on my list of holidays, but this year I have decided to try and live it up, because, well, I LOVE love. I really and truly LOVE love. I love nothing better than watching a sappy chick flick about love, listening to music about love, or reading a good love story. All of the above make my heart pitter patter and my eyes mist with tears. I think love is amazing and beautiful, and this year I have decided to celebrate big.

Yesterday, I bribed one of the big girls to take down the remaining outside Christmas lights (yes, they were still up, and yes, it was cold), so that I could put up a cute little welcome sign made out of hearts by our front door. Then today, the girls (my little ones) and I decorated our dining room table for the month of love. And to top it all off, we made crayon valentines to hang in the windows. Quite a good start to February, if I do say so myself!

What else do I have in store for this month? Well, the big girls and I plan on watching every chick flick we can between now and the 14th, my littles girls and I plan on making homemade Valentines for those that we love, I plan on serving a special meal on the actual day of love, and I also plan on journaling here (over the next several days) my own personal love story with Boss (my forever Valentine). It is a good story! Scratch that. Our love story is a great one!

So happy month of love, sweet friends. While I certainly do not believe love should be celebrated only one month a year, I think it will be wonderful to concentrate specifically on the blessings of love that I have in my life over this next month, and I encourage you to do the same!

A Journey

2011-01-31T10:24:00.004-05:00

Seeing as it is the very last day,of the very first month, in a brand new year, I thought that I would get brave and openly share with you my one and only new year resolution. I usually don't make new year resolutions. I might have a few goals for myself that I try and implement into my life in a new year, but usually those goals only last for a short while before they fall by the wayside. But this year it has to be different. It must be different. My soul and the precious souls of my family are at stake. It's that important.

Are you ready to hear my resolution? You are? Well, here goes...

This year, and every year after, really, my resolution is to be on a journey to find out if Jesus Christ really is who he claimed to be.

For most of you who know me, you might think that I already have this figured out. But the truth is, I have been piggy backing on my parents faith for far too long. I was raised in a Christian home. We attended services three times a week. My parents were fairly conservative and strict. But the one thing I think was missing was talking about why we did all that we did in the name of religion. What was the point in living so differently from the rest of the world? Why should I be passionate about a man who died on a cross? Or maybe we did talk, and I was just not in a place to "hear" what was being said. That could very well be the case. But no matter what, it is time for me to discover what I believe in on my own. Or who I believe in. No, not even that. I am on a journey to discover why I believe in what I say I believe in.

I have decided to embark on this journey for many reasons. One reason is because I have been sensing a stirring lately, deep in my soul, that there must be something more to my faith. Something more than just going through the motions of religion. Sure, I try and do all of the "right" things. Our family attends worship services (usually three time a week), I do not curse, we homeschool, I seldom consume alcohol, I am faithful to my husband, we tithe, and we take in children who are in needy, for crying out loud! And for awhile, I thought that was enough. But lately, not so much. My soul is craving more. If Jesus really is who he claimed to be, then so very much of my life needs to change.

Another reason I am on this journey is because as my children grow, and my personal circle grows (through the children that we serve), I am beginning to get asked questions about why I believe what I believe, why we live the way that we do, and for the very first time I do not have answers. Sure, I spout off something to pacify the asker, and to make my heart feel good and righteous, but inside, I know that my answers are hollow. And if Jesus really is who he claimed to be, then I have a life giving message to share. Hollow answers will no longer do.

What will my journey look like? I am not really sure. But I know that it has begun. I have started this journey by tossing out all other references and using the Bible as my only resource. For now. It is long past time for me to get in the Word and discover what it has to say. I love reading devotional books, and books that make me feel warm and sunny on the inside, but I will be honest and say that I have often found the Bible to be very boring and dull. Not aplicable to my life in our current culture. But that already has begun to change. I have committed to reading everyday, whether I "feel" like it or not. I have committed to plunging in feet first, and already my perspective has changed. The scriptures are becoming more real to me than they ever have. And now, I can honestly say that I want more of them. I would rather read than watch a movie. I would rather read scriptures than read a blog. And that is quite a change for this Mama, I am ashamed to admit.

My hope is that you will support me on this journey. My hope is that you will pray for me. My hope is that God will radically change my heart as I study the Bible, and that the end result will be a radically changed life. My hope is that I will become a woman who is in love with her Savior, who can't wait to share all that she has discovered with others. That is my hope, my prayer, and my resolution. And this is my journey.

Ten Month Update

2011-01-15T22:21:00.005-05:00

Our little man is ten months old today. Really, I am not quite sure where all of the time has gone? I just cannot believe that in eight short weeks he will be having his very first birthday. It is almost enough to bring this Mama to tears! We love our little (big) man, with his big dark eyes, rosy red cheeks, and his perfect, squishy thighs, with all of our hearts! He is perfect, and wonderful, and we are so very thankful that he is ours.

At ten months old, Jack still loves to eat (anything and everything!), is eating more and more "big boy" food, and continues to hover around twenty pounds. He is still sporting four teeth (two on top and two on bottom). His top teeth have come in with a sweet little gap between them. (You know you are a mother when you say things like sweet little gap. Only mothers find gaps sweet. And maybe dentists, because they make money to fix said gaps, but I digress.) Did I mention that Jack loves to eat? It's true! If we are sitting at the table, he will crawl over to "his" chair and grunt (scream) until we place him in it and fill his squishy cheeks with food. It is adorable (or at least it will be for a few more months, and then it will be unacceptable :)!

At ten months old, I am also pleased to announce that sleep for our little guy has finally turned a corner! For the last four months we have had a lot of night awakenings, feedings, and co sleeping, which has not made for peaceful rest for Boss and Mama. But this past week things seem to have gone back to "normal", meaning an eight o'clock bedtime, and waking up between five and six still in his own bed. Hooray! Of coarse, now that I blogged about this success, I am fully prepared for tonight to be awful. But it was too great a victory not to share!

At ten months old, Jack loves to crawl all over the house, pull up on the furniture, play with his toys, wrestle with Boss, pull his sister's hair, snuggle with his Mama, and is beginning to figure out the stairs. He keeps this Mama on her toes!

Jack Ryan, we sure do love you. It has been an awesome ten months!

A Birthday for Boss

2011-01-11T21:50:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, Boss had a birthday. His 34th, to be exact. This year he adopted my tradition of celebrating a birthday "week", so it is safe to say that he has been loved and celebrated well! The girls and I decided that we would do something special for him on each day of the week leading up to his birthday. One day we brought him lunch at the school. Another day we packed him a special lunch. Two different days we gifted him with small presents that he had been wanting, as well as tickets to see Rascal Flatts in concert in a couple of weeks. On Saturday, Boss and I went on a date, and we shopped at all kinds of man stores so that he could spend his Christmas and birthday gift cards. Yesterday, he took a day off of work, and he and I went to lunch, we had pizza and cake for supper (and the girls went all out decorating the table with streamers, confetti, poms, feathers, and personalized place mats), and then some lovely friends came over for a round of cards.... and Boss won! Ha! And that has not happened since the night that I went into labor with Jack. He just must be lucky on birthdays :). And then today, the weather man gifted Boss with a belated gift of a snow day, and after a breakfast out with a good friend and an afternoon nap, he has been pulling children around on their sleds and snow boards tied to the back of our golf cart all afternoon. Such complete fun!

Happy Birthday, Boss. I fall more in love with you every single year.

Family Fun

2011-01-08T22:34:00.007-05:00

What a fun first week in this new year our family has had!The big girls were really excited to have school start back up (okay, that's a complete lie, I was the one who was ECSTATIC that school was resuming!), and my little girls were happy to start back to their ballet classes and daily lessons. Life is feeling as though it is starting to calm down, and for that I am so thankful. I love new years, clean slates, and fresh beginnings. Nothing feels better than a new start! Boss and I have many hopes, dreams, and goals for our little family in 2011, and I hope to find the time to record them all on here throughout this coming year. One thing that we both want to be more purposeful in doing is to create more fun family days, where we focus on having fun and creating memories with our children. So often as parents we are near our children, but we are not with our children. This year Boss and I want to really focus on being with our children, doing fun things together as a family! This weekend we are on relief and are focusing on some much needed family time. Yesterday, it was a very cold day (about thirty degrees), but the sun was shining and the wind was not blowing, so we decided to bundle up and take the girls to the ski resort that is an hour away from our home. Our mission? Snow tubing! So. Much. Fun. And so scary to this very timid, worry wart Mama. But Boss and the girls LOVED it! My little six year old did not even want us to link on to her tube. She would ride the lift to the top of the HUGE hill, climb in her tube, fly down the hill, and then scream AWESOME at the top of her lungs once she reached the bottom. My four year old liked the ride, as long as Daddy was holding on to her tube. Me? I went only so that my children would not be cooler than me. And because I am tired of living life on the sidelines. About half way down the hill I was sure I was going to die (and made some sort of strange gutteral cow sound), but amazingly I reached the bottom in one piece with a smile on my face (to look brave for the children, of coarse!). And then I might have bribed Kate with thoughts of warm cocoa, so that she would want to go in and I would not have to face the giant hill again. I'll never tell. It was a wonderful, wonderful day. Emma said the ski resort was her second most favorite place on earth. When I asked her what her first favorite place was, she answered "home". Boss and I pray that this is always so! And with the implementation of family fun days along the way, we hope to insure that our family always stays close. It was a wonderful start to the new year. Happy January!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T23:14:00.002-05:00

Christmas 2010 in Pictures

2010-12-30T23:53:00.007-05:00

Christmas Eve

2010-12-29T23:58:00.004-05:00

Christmas Eve is such a very fun day in our home! The past few years, Grammy has come over to bake cookies for Santa with the girls (gingerbread and icing cut out cookies), and that is a tradition that I hope lasts until my girls are grown. Who knows? Maybe even longer! That evening, we head over to our friend and neighbors home for a Christmas Eve celebration. There is yummy food and lots of laughter. My favorite part of the evening is when all of the children (their are usually around thirty!) gather around the tree downstairs and Grumps leads them in a few Christmas carols before they are allowed to tear into their gifts. There is such excitement in the air and their eyes are all sparkling! To me, it is what Christmas should be in the eyes of a child. Pure joy, anticipation, and excitement. I love it! After a few hours we head home so that my children can open their Christmas Jammies. I have bought Christmas Jammies since Kate joined our family, and I don't ever plan on stopping! This year I was so excited to find coordinating jammies for all three of my children, despite their age gaps and differing genders! Our theme this year was turquoise and red penguin pajamas. Thank you, Target, for making my shopping so easy! Shortly after the "children in coordinating jammies in front of the tree" photo, I read aloud The Night Before Christmas, and then Kate and Jack crashed (as well as Boss). Emma, the big girls, and I watched Miracle on 34th Street before heading to bed, so that Santa could make his deliveries. Emma was so excited/nervous that she said she felt like she was going to throw up! Ha! She is so my daughter. Poor girl. Rashing is most definitely in her future. It was a magical, magical night. I love Christmas Eve!

Christmas Adam

2010-12-29T23:39:00.004-05:00

For the past several years, our family has started a little tradition that I now like to call Christmas Adam. I have named this evening celebration, Christmas Adam, because we celebrate it on the night before Christmas Eve. Get it? Christmas Adam, because it comes before Christmas Eve? (Bwahaha. I am so clever. Moving on.) Anyway, on Christmas Adam, we (whoever from the family that is in town or is available) go over to Grammy and Da's house for a fettuccine dinner. Yum. We have also made it our tradition for the girls to write their letters to Santa on this night (we leave their letters for Sam the Elf to carry back to the Big Guy on his nightly trip to the North Pole, as this saves on postage, and I am cheap), and we always play a few exciting rounds of How the Grinch Stole Christmas Bingo. This year, Kate was our big winner, and she was super proud. As a special bonus on Christmas Adam 2010, this year Da wrote a witty and clever poem to read aloud to the children. His writings always make them smile. It was a great evening. I hope the tradition of celebrating Christmas Adam lasts in our family for years to come.

Home For The Holidays

2010-12-28T20:09:00.005-05:00

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T17:02:00.004-05:00

From Our Family to Yours.

Love Ben, Kendra, Emma, Kate, and Jack

Fun Holiday Faces

2010-12-24T23:04:00.003-05:00

Nine Months

2010-12-15T14:11:00.009-05:00

This little guy turned nine months old this week! We love him more than ever. He celebrated his nine month birthday with a trip to the ER, accompanied by Daddy, because of a nasty ear infection and head cold. Poor little boy. At the ER he weighed in at twenty pounds even. Jack Ryan is our biggest baby, by far! Emma did not reach twenty pounds until she was two, seriously, and it took Kate at least a year. Our boy has them beat! While we can tell that he is beginning to feel a bit better (his joyful smile is returning), he still seems to feel a bit yucky. We are making sure to snuggle him close and give him lots of kisses. His rosy, chubby cheeks were made for kissing. Hopefully he will start feeling better soon!

This has been a big month in Jack's world! The biggest month so far, I dare say. He is now a crawling man! And he can also pull himself up while holding on to furniture and the railing of his crib. He is making his mama and daddy quite tired as we chase him all over the house. When he learns to navigate the stairs, we are officially doomed :). Jack Ryan is still eating well, as evidenced by his large, squishy, delectable thighs, and loves just about anything that we put into his mouth. And because he has many "aunties" out here that love and spoil him, I dare say he has tried far more foods than your average nine month old! Let's just say that he is a super huge fan of pumpkin pie, courtesy of his Aunt Candy.

Sleep is going better. Not great, but better than the last few months. We get about nine hours out of him each night. I won't tell you that half of that sleep is spent in our bed, because that would make me two for three of raising bad sleepers. However, if I were to confess that we co-sleep, I would have to tell you that I blame all of my children's bad sleeping habits on their father. It's true. But since I won't tell you that we co-sleep, I don't have to publicly blame him. I love you Boss!

Jack Ryan Huston Zickafoose is the sweetest bundle of baby boy that ever did live. He is joyful, and happy, and silly. We thank God for blessing our lives with him each and every day. Happy nine months, buddy.

Seeing Santa 2010

2010-12-15T14:02:00.001-05:00

Memory Making

2010-12-14T10:40:00.006-05:00

While I will be the first to admit that things are not always hot cocoa and candy canes in this home of ours, things have seemed exceptionally wonderful lately! We are definitely making the most of this holiday season! I don't know why this Christmas seems more merry and bright than years past, but it does. Perhaps it is because my children are growing up, and are really able to fully grasp and participate in all of the festivities this year. Perhaps it is because we have an amazing group of teenage girls that are currently living with us who make everything more delightful, and certainly more fun. Perhaps it is because Boss (who we lovingly sometimes referred to as Scrooge, after his long stint in retail, which developed in him a small disdain for holidays) is trying his best to enjoy this season with our family, and I see a little twinkle in his eyes. Or perhaps it is because I am growing and changing, getting better at weeding out worldly distractions, and focusing on what truly matters. I don't know. But it sure feels good. Some things we have been up to?

* Decorating! Emma was definitely my little helper this year, organizing things and telling me where everything needed to go. The girls had a lot of fun getting out and looking at all of the ornaments that they have collected in their short little lives, and played for hours with their nutcrackers and Mrs. Claus. Simple, old fashioned fun.

* We have also been enjoying homemade hot chocolate and whipped cream! I wanted to find a recipe that my family would love, and I did. I won't tell you that it is made out of dark chocolate candy bars and caramel sauce, because then you would know how bad it was for you, and it would take away some of the enjoyment of drinking it.My family asks for a mug of mama's hot chocolate many times a week! It makes my heart happy.

* Parties! One of the more fun aspects of living at the children's home are the holiday parties. So. Much. Fun! P.S. I heard the guy in the big red suit is coming tonight to bring gifts for the children. Shh. Don't tell.

* Enjoying our first snow day! The white stuff is finally coming down. This is the first year since I have lived here that it has waited until December to snow (usually it starts in November), and we are loving it! The children have already gone sledding on the little hill behind Grammy and Da's house, and yesterday we made snow ice cream. Yummy.

* Watching Christmas movies! This has turned in to quite the tradition for us this year. Every night that we don't have a party, relief, or church, Emma, the big girls, and I pile on the couches and watch a Christmas movie. We have already watched Elf, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, all three Santa Claus movies, both Home Alones, The Christmas Shoes trilogy, The Holiday, The Family Man, and several other Hallmark specials. Love, love, love Christmas movies.

* Shopping! I am finally done with all of our gift buying. All that I have left to do is to help Santa with filling the stockings, and make some homemade goodies for friends and family. I am excited about the gifts we are giving this year!

Our lives are truly full and blessed. I hope you are enjoying this season with those you love, as well! Happy Holidays!

Santa's Little Helpers

2010-12-04T21:50:00.007-05:00

Santa's little helpers have been hard at work this past week, getting all of the decorations up for this Christmas season. The "Z" family home was completed last night, as we decorated our last tree, so today they offered their expert assistance to Grammy and Da. When Santa's little helpers were not busy decorating, they enjoyed the first real snow of the season! Today they went sledding and had fun throwing snowballs. Winter has finally arrived! Good job, little helpers. Santa is so very thankful for all of the hard work that you do, year after year!

O' Christmas Tree

2010-12-03T21:54:00.006-05:00

I have personally waited 28 years for this day to come. Let the "Z" family tree cutting adventure begin!

On the hunt for the perfect one. So many trees. So little time.

Kate falls and cries while we are scoping out all of the trees. She is our little drama queen. No "z" family adventure would be complete without her tears. Just keeping it real, yall.

We found the perfect tree! Well, except for that big hole in the back of it, but we did tell the girls they could choose. Everyone is smiling and happy again.

Um. Stud. No more words are necessary.

Hard at work.

Hooray! Daddy is almost done sawing that tree trunk!

Hauling that big sucker back to the van.

Whew! Poor tree. She's tired from all of this work. She thinks she will just take a little rest before we head home and the decorating party begins.

Mission accomplished. The "Z" family officially cuts down their Christmas tree for the very first time, and everyone is happy. Especially Boss. Family Adventures are his favorite! Hehe.

The End.

Merry and Bright

2010-11-30T22:30:00.008-05:00

One of my favorite passions and hobbies is decorating my home. I love picking out colors and pieces that will make my home a warm and inviting place to be during any season of the year, but I especially love decorating for the holidays! There is just something special about cheery red Santa's, green and red stripes, and twinkling little lights that warms my heart. If you have ever been in my home, you know that I have a love for all things primitive and vintage, and this year I thought it would be fun to decorate one of our Christmas trees in a bit of an old fashioned/primitive way. We always put up two Christmas trees. One homemade/family tree with all of the children's homemade and personalized ornaments on it (this year we are going to chop a real tree down at a tree farm!), and one tree that we decorate with a particular theme. The past few years I have gone with a red and gold theme, to match the colors in our dining room, where the tree stood. But seeing as we are in a new house this year, I wanted something different. I wanted primitive. I was envisioning popcorn and red wooden bead garland, brown paper ribbon, and old fashioned looking ornaments. I wanted to wrap our gifts in brown paper grocery sacks, and tie them with huge red and white bows. I wanted simple and old fashioned. Nothing else would do.

But then, one fateful day last week, I made the very grave mistake of taking Emma with me on an outing to Target to look at all of the primitive ornaments. Because there, three shelves over, a package of sparkly, shiny, pink and turquoise ornaments began calling her name. Oh, yes, there were purple ornaments in that package, too. Pink, and turquoise, and purple ornaments! At Christmas! And my daughter was in love. Insert big problem. Pink, and turquoise, and purple do not go nicely with primitive brown and red. Whatever was I going to do? I bought the ornaments Emma fell in love with, of course, along with pink, sparkly, bright wrapping paper and shiny turquoise bows with purple polka dots, and I put my dreams of a primitive Christmas to rest. And you know what? After putting the tree up yesterday evening and staring at it for the past twenty four hours, I have decided that I think it looks amazing. It is cheerful, and merry, and bright, and when we turn on the lights, it looks like something out of an add for a beautiful candy store. And I love it! It is perfect for our family. Perfect for my six year old who has an eye and a love for bright colors. Perfect for my four year old who adores all things sparkly. Perfect for our home that is currently housing seven females this holiday season. Simply perfect, and merry, and bright. What can I say? It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Holiday Weekend Wrap-Up

2010-11-29T15:55:00.012-05:00

The Thanksgiving holiday weekend has come and gone, and we are now back to daily life in this home of ours. Which for me is okay, because it is my magical Monday! It is nice to have a few hours to myself to catch my breath from the busyness of the past several days. Our family had a wonderful holiday! We enjoyed a simple, yummy, Thanksgiving dinner with my mom and dad. Everyone went around the table and said what they were most thankful for this year. Boss said he was thankful for his faith (I heart him, by the way). I said I was most thankful for Jack's safe delivery and wonderful addition to our family this year. His life has been such a blessing. He might even complete our family, but that is still being debated :). Emma and Kate both said that they were thankful for God and for our family. I heart them, too. Jack said he was most thankful for bottles, bananas, and binky's. At least that is what I think he would have said, you know,if he could talk. I do believe though, that the highlight of my day was when one of our big girls (residents) said to Boss and I that this year she was thankful to us for loving her and treating her like family during this past year that we have been together. I may or may not have shed a tear. Makes what we do everyday totally worth it.

That evening we went over to our dear friends and neighbors (really, they are more like family) for more food and fun. My favorite part was flipping through the holiday newspaper ads with the girls. (My friend girls, not the residents or my little girls. Just felt the need to clarify, seeing as there are so very many girls in my life!) I have always wanted to experience Black Friday, but have never had anyone to experience it with. Now I do. Just another way that God has blessed me with where we live and who we are surrounded by.And the next morning I actually joined the masses and went shopping with my friends! In the name of honesty, I didn't actually head out with them at four in the morning. Instead, I met them for breakfast at eight and joined them from there :). But I still got to witness people shoving in line and being nasty to sales clerks, so I would still say that I got the full experience. Only I was a bit more rested than everyone else :). That evening our family loaded up our van and headed out to Bob Evans to eat dessert for dinner, per Emma's request. Yum. A perfect ending to a perfect holiday day.

On Saturday, my mom and I took all of the girls (both big and little) to see Tangled, while all the boys (both big and little) stayed home to watch Ohio State beat Michigan. (See? Even after eight years, I am still Boss' lucky charm.) Can I just say that it was a great movie? I usually do not like cartoons, but this was super great. But perhaps my favorite part was watching my oldest daughter's face in the golden glow of the movie lights, as she watched a particular scene with her eyes aglow and a smile on her face. In one scene they release hundreds of glowing lanterns, and Emma leaned over and whispered to me that she wanted the sky to look like that on her wedding day. I may or may not have shed a tear at the thought of my oldest baby growing up and getting married. That evening Emma and I decorated the inside of our home for the Christmas holidays, everything except for our Christmas trees. This year it was fun to have a little helper! She really got into the spirit and magic of it all.

Yesterday (Sunday) we worshipped, rested, and then celebrated one of my besties fortieth birthday. I may or may not have shed a tear over my love for her and at the thought that when I am forty, Emma will be leaving our nest and heading out into the world as a newly eighteen year old. Sigh. Why must they grow up?

Life. It is a constant flow of growing and changing. Giving and taking. Complete joy and deep sorrow. That is why I am so thankful for this time of the year. The time of the year where we celebrate Christ, our families, and what really matters in life. We truly have so very much to be thankful for. And may we always remember to thank the Giver of all good things!

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-25T23:10:00.003-05:00

Scenes From Our Table and Home

Really Great Day

2010-11-24T23:18:00.004-05:00

Today was a really great day. A really, really great day. First off, Boss let me sleep in. I currently have an ear infection and pneumonia, and last night I took some medication that really had me flying high. Within half an hour after taking it, my lips were completely numb and the rest of my body was tingling. I kept having to ask Boss if he thought I was still breathing because I could not feel my chest. It was crazy, and once I got over my anxiety, I slept great. Better than I have in weeks! So sleeping great, and sleeping in were both really great starts to my day.

After I was up and functioning the boys (aka Boss and Jack) went out to get new tires put on my sheep (my "she" jeep) in preparation for winter, and left all of us girls to get started on our cooking. I had forgotten how fun it was to spend the day preparing for a Thanksgiving feast! The past few years we have celebrated the holiday with Boss' family at their home, so all I have had to do was show up. Sometimes that is really nice (the just being able to show up part), but sometimes (a sometimes of the very rarely variety) the Betty Crocker in me comes out and I love everything that goes into hosting a special meal. On my list to make today? Cream Cheese Mashed Potatoes, Strawberry Pretzel Salad, Broccoli Cheese Casserole, Pumpkin Pie, Pecan Pie, Pumpkin Bars with Cream Cheese Icing. and a Cream Cheese/Chocolate Chip Ball. Yummy. So I got to work!

I turned the radio in the kitchen on to a station that was playing Christmas carols, our families first of the season, got my two tiny helpers their aprons, and we went to town! The girls cracked eggs, stirred things, and licked beaters. And in between helping they watched movies or made Turkey crafts with the big girls who will be spending the holiday with our family. We never got out of our jammies, and there was far more laughing and helping, than bickering and complaining, so that makes today a very good day. Once it got dark outside we loaded up our van and headed to town to get pizza. Carols were playing in the car, warm heat filling the van, and five girls, both big and small, were laughing and enjoying being together. My heart was filled, and my soul was smiling.

After pizza we came home, got back in to jammies, and piled onto the couches in the living room to watch Home Alone. While we watched, I made place cards to set on our table, with each persons name on them that will be joining us for lunch tomorrow. While I usually do not love cooking, I do love preparing a beautiful table! Now, everyone is tucked into bed and I am waiting to give Mister Man his last feeding of the night. My heart is filled with anticipation and excitement over the day tomorrow. We will enjoy lunch and the afternoon with my parents and then we will head to Ms. Faye's for an evening of games, fun, and laughter. We have so very much to be thankful for. Hope your Thanksgiving is blessed!

Yes

2010-11-23T23:34:00.003-05:00

Eight years ago today started out like any other typical day during that season of my life. I was twenty years old and in my junior year of college at Texas A&M University (some of the most fun years of my life, I might add!). That year, November 23rd fell on a Saturday, and I was home visiting my parents in preparation for Thanksgiving. A certain someone, whom I now lovingly refer to as Boss, had accompanied me on this trip. But back then he was not Boss, he was just Boyfriend. And that was a very important day for Boyfriend. Ohio State was playing Michigan, and Boyfriend took those games very seriously. He still does. That day, Ohio State beat Michigan, and Boyfriend told me that I was his lucky charm and that he was thinking of keeping me around forever. My heart melted and I got a little rashy at his words. In my world, getting rashy is a very good thing. I get rashy when I am excited and nervous. Back then, Boyfriend made me rashy all the time. I even threw up on our first several dates, but that's another story for another day. Back to this story. Oh yes, Boyfriend was saying he thought he would keep me around since I was his lucky charm. I believe after that game we went out to eat with my parents and then we went bowling. I remember I was wearing tiny gray pants (because I was quite tiny back then) and a pink and gray sweater. Boyfriend kept telling me how beautiful he thought I was. Boyfriend beat us all at bowling and told me once again that I was his lucky charm and would I mind sticking around forever? You got it, more rashes for me! I just remember it was a really fun day. I was so in love with this boy. After we returned home to my parents, Boyfriend suggested that we go for a walk around the lake in my parents neighborhood, the neighborhood where I grew up, the lake that I used to ride my bike around as a child. So we started walking. And holding hands. And looking at the stars. It was a beautiful clear night. And at a certain spot, Boyfriend stopped. And took my hand in his. And then he got down on one knee. I was certainly rashing at this point, and it is quite possible that I might have squealed. Boyfriend then proceeded to tell me that he loved me, and that he didn't want to live another day of his life without me, and would I do him the honor of becoming his wife? I kept asking him if this was really it, was I really being proposed to? Was he serious? Then he opened a white ring box that he held out to me and showed me a beautiful diamond ring that sparkled almost as much as his eyes, and I knew this really was it. And I said yes. And my life was forever changed for the better. And six months later we were married on a beautiful, hot, summer day in May, and boyfriend went from being Boyfriend, to being Boss. My best friend, my confidant, my rock, my life partner. I am so glad that he asked me that important question eight years ago today. And I am so glad that I said yes.

Shining Star

2010-11-22T10:06:00.004-05:00

For those of you who do not know her, my Kate is a shining star. Literally. Her eyes sparkle and twinkle when she is happy or excited and her smile can light up a room. (Boss polishes his shotgun on a nightly basis in preparation for her high school years. Or rather, he would if he had a shotgun. Those are not allowed in the foster parenting world, but you get the idea.) But Kate is not only cute. She is also very funny! And likeable, and smart, and so on. So it was no wonder that her teacher picked her to be "Star of The Week" for mini school last Friday. She was so excited! We made her family poster, she picked out her favorite stuffed animal and book to share with the class, and then she was ready to go! She was slightly nervous that she would forget the names of the people on her poster when sharing it with the class (After all, Daddy, Mama, Emma, and Jack are easily forgettable names! Ha!), but she said it went great and she came home with a special "Star of The Week" hat, which she has yet to take off. I think it is safe to say it was a successful day. So proud of you shining star!

Two more Kate funnies to share. Funny number one.Last week her mini school class made family portraits (pictured above). Kate was very sad to show hers to us, because she was afraid that Daddy would not recognize himself. She was sad because her teacher did not have any silver yarn to use for Daddy's hair, so she had to use black, even though Daddy's hair does not look very black anymore. Ha! Precious. Boss did not find it quite as precious as I did, but we all got a good chuckle out of that one.She definitely keeps us laughing!Funny number two. A few days ago, the girls and I were sitting at the table doing school work. In Kate's preschool workbook, her instruction was to draw a picture of her very favorite person. Immidiately her eyes lit up as she thought about who she was going to draw, and right away she got to work. My Mama heart imagined that she would draw her sister, or maybe Anna Boverie, possibly her Grammy, or maybe even me. But who did my little stinker draw? Herself! That's right, folks. My Kate's very favorite person on this planet is herself. Wow. At least she does not struggle with low self esteem! Ha!

Sweet Boy of Mine

2010-11-15T21:00:00.004-05:00

** Alternately Titled: Eight Month Update **

Sweet Boy of Mine

Why must you grow,
sweet boy of mine?
With your cheeks so rosie,
and your eyes that shine.

You grew in my heart,
then my womb, now my hand,
I love you so deeply,
though you don't understand.

I want to remember each moment,
it all,
I want to hang on,
to you being so small.

You entered this world with a head of dark hair
and a loud, robust cry,
Now somehow, without my permission,
eight months have gone by.

You used to lie,
so still on my chest,
Yet, soon enough,
you will take your first steps.

I love you all over,
chubby fingers and toes,
You love when I kiss you,
and nibble your nose.

Your laugh is sweet music,
to this Mama's ear,
I want to wrap you in my arms,
and forever hold you near.

I know in my head,
that you must grow every day,
But in my heart,
my sweet baby boy you will stay.

And this Mama's heart will always say,

Why must you grow,
sweet boy of mine,
with your cheeks so rosie,
and your eyes that shine?

------------------------------------------------

Yes, it's true. Today my youngest babe turned eight months old. I really am not sure where all of the time has gone. I look at pictures of Jack when he was a tiny newborn, and don't know where that baby went. As sad as I am to watch him grow and change, one thing is for sure. I love the little boy that he is becoming. Jack, you are such a happy soul.Your laughter abounds in our home. Your sisters adore you and love that you are now old enough to play and interact with them. Your eyes light up when Daddy comes home from work. You still stroke my face while I feed you. You are pure love.

In case it is not obvious from the new pictures below, Jack is a BIG boy! I imagine that he would weigh in at twenty pounds at eight months old. He well surpasses both of his sisters at this age. The boy loves to eat. He will eat any fruit or veggie that you ask him to try, still chugs his bottles, and I believe that last night I caught his Aunt Candy feeding him a little taste of pumpkin pie. (Really, is it any wonder that he loves her?) Jack also loves his new, big boy car seat, and taking baths in mama's bath tub. He is still sporting only his two bottom teeth. Sleeping is going a tiny bit better than it had been. He still wants to eat a couple of times each night (we are in the process of stretching this out), but at least he will fall back to sleep. Sometimes Daddy is nice and lets Jack sleep in bed with us. Mama would never be that nice, and when she discovers them in the morning, both boys get lectures.

Jack, we love you.

Cool Dude

2010-11-15T20:49:00.005-05:00

Dear Jack Ryan Huston Zickafoose,
You are one cool dude.
Love, Mama

Count Your Blessings

2010-11-13T22:08:00.004-05:00

In this world and culture that we live in, it is so easy to get caught up in what we don't have that we think we deserve, or what others have that we think we want. I am just as guilty of this as the next person. One of the biggest struggles in my daily walk is comparing what I have, to what those around me have. And lets be honest, sometimes I am down right envious! I mean, who wouldn't want a body that naturally goes back to being thin after birthing three children? Or who wouldn't want to have a housekeeper, or live in a beautiful home on a handful of acres with horses roaming around in green pastures? Or jobs that pay six figures? Or children who sleep through the night without even so much as a peep? The list could go on and on. Comparing myself, my family, and my life to others is a battle that I must constantly fight against. Because the truth is, the only place it gets me is to a state of discontentment in my heart with the lot that God has given to me. The life that He has called me to. And that is not a good place to find myself in. And while I have no doubt that God wants me to strive to be thankful and content in any and all circumstances (His Word says this is so), and to think about this daily, I am especially thankful for the month of November, where we set aside a special time to count our many blessings. And when we really stop and think about it, don't they abound?! Man, oh man. My blessings are many. Might I share a few with you?

I may not be naturally thin, but tonight I am thankful for a healthy body that was able to conceive and carry to term, three beautiful children. And while I do not have a housekeeper, I am thankful for four teenage girls who help me keep our home as tidy and clean as possible, usually with a smile on their faces. And while the horses in green pastures is probably a pipe dream, I am thankful for a cozy, country home, filled with nice possessions and even nicer people, that just happens to sit on 160 beautiful acres (wink, wink). My bank account will testify to the fact that we do not make six figures, but tonight I am thankful that we are well on our way to being debt free (just one more vehicle and those pesty student loans and we are there!), that we have discretionary income, and that the blessings we receive in turn for working in this field far surpass six figures any day. And what about those children of mine who refuse to sleep through the night? This is a tough one for me! But, I try each night to simply be thankful that they are alive and well enough to cry out for me. There are many mothers whose arms are empty that would love to be in my shoes. And for that, I am oh, so very thankful. Not to mention that I have a wonderful husband who has NEVER complained about sharing in the work of raising our children (and that includes night time awakenings)! Indeed, my blessings abound. It really is just a matter of perspective, isn't it?

So, friends, I want to challenge you this season to stop and count your many blessings. They are certainly there, if you will only take a moment to stop and look for them!

The Magic of Monday

2010-11-08T13:07:00.003-05:00

Most people dread Mondays. Perhaps they dread that the weekend is over, or that they must start back up to work for another five days. Or perhaps they dread the thought of waking up early or the busy schedule of the coming week. It seems that most people really live life for themselves during the weekends (you know what I mean, spending time doing the things that they want to do), but the rest of the week they live for their employer, if you will, meeting the demands of their job, and juggling the hectic schedule of family and work. But not me. I am so thankful that Boss and I decided a very long time ago (at the beginning of our marriage, really) that we would not live the "traditional" American life, of working the Monday-Friday 8am to 5pm job, simply to make ends meet or to climb a corporate ladder. A few times in our life together we have strayed from our non-traditional work plan (mostly from necessity, but occasionally by choice), but we have always jumped back on the train just as fast as we could each and every time. Why? There are many reasons, really, for our non-traditional family/work lifestyle choice, but one of the reasons is because we get to love Mondays. When you work in a field or mission that you love and are passionate about, you get to love every single day, really. Each day is a day for me to get up and love on my family. Each day I get to ask the Lord what He would have for me that day, and I get to try and accomplish those things. Each day I get to serve others, and enjoy my home. Yes, life is good. Certainly not perfect, but very, very good. And in my world, Mondays are especially good.

Every Monday, my parents give me the gift of five hours to myself. Pure bliss. The girls have dance class every Monday, so my parents offered at the beginning of this dance season to take the girls to class each week. And as if that were not nice enough, they offered to take Mister Man, as well. Ahhh. Sometimes I don't know what to do with all of that time to myself! If the night has been a particularly long one with my tiniest babe, I usually crawl back into bed and pull the covers up to my chin and rest. Sometimes for one hour, sometimes for four :). If I am feeling well rested already, my day to myself almost always includes a chai latte form Starbucks or Panera Bread, some Target browsing and sometimes buying (my favorite store on the planet!), and usually some time at home or at the main office to get organized or caught up on something that I have neglected during the previous week. No matter what I do, the time alone is always appreciated.

I feel quite blessed that I don't have to dread Mondays like most of the rest of the world. I feel blessed that I work in a "job" that really isn't like a job at all. I feel blessed that Boss and I are serving in the same field. I feel blessed that I have family close by that is willing to spoil me. And I feel especially blessed that at the end of my magical Mondays, that three little heads are smiling and waiting for me to smooch their cheeks and ask them how their day has been. Yes, in our home, the magic of Monday is a beautiful thing. I hope you can find a way to make Monday, and everyday, magic in your home, as well. Happy Monday, friends!

Best Friends

2010-11-05T23:25:00.003-04:00

Today I spent the day with my best friend. We didn't do anything big or fancy, just a late lunch at a steak house and then a late afternoon movie,but it was nice. There wasn't even much talking, and if we are being completely honest there was a teensy bit of arguing (remember, we are still living in the land of sleep deprived parenthood :), yet on the drive home from our date my heart still felt full. Moments with my husband are a gift. The beautiful ones, the boring ones, the great ones, the funny ones, the hard ones, and even the ordinary ones. All of them are a blessing. I used to forget that, and sometimes I still do. Sometimes I only want our life, our marriage, to be exciting and fun. Ordinary will not do. But the longer we are married to each other, the more I am learning that ordinary is beautiful. Because ordinary is life. It's our life. It's the unfolding of our love story on a day to day basis. It's in the way he still opens my car door. It's in the way his hand reaches for mine without even thinking. It's in the way he knows that when I say "five more minutes" (in regards to reading) he knows that he can really expect me in a half hour. It's in the way he tells me I am beautiful when I first wake up in the morning and have no make up on. It's in the way he knows how much I love Christmas, so he already got the lights out of storage to make sure that they all work. It's in the way that he makes loving plain, ordinary me, feel extraordinary. So yes, moments with my husband are a blessing, and I want to cherish each one. He is my best friend.

Ordinary no, I really don’t think so
Not a love this true
Common destiny
We were meant to be
Me and you

Like a perfect scene from a movie screen
We’re a dream come true
Suited perfectly for eternity
Me and you

Every day, I need you even more
And the night time too
There’s no way
I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to

Every day I live
I try my best to give
All I have to you
I thank the stars above
That we share this love me and you

Every day, I need you even more
And the night time too
There’s no way
I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to

Ordinary no, I really don’t think so
Just a precious few
Ever make it last
Get as lucky as
Me and you
Me and you

Lyrics by Kenny Chesney

Growing Up

2010-11-03T22:59:00.006-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I was flipping through some pictures that my dad took with his camera, and this one caught my eye. I love any photograph that contains one or all of my children in it, but there was something about this one that caused me to pause. For some reason, in this photograph, my biggest girl looked old. Since I am not really a fan of my children growing up (because that means in twelve short years my oldest will leave our safe and cozy nest and fly away) I decided that it must have been the lighting or the angle that made her look so grown. Surely she was still my tiny girl, so I decided it was just a fluke and carried on about my day. But tonight it happened again. I was chatting with a friend in the hallway after Bible class, when Emma darted by and caught my eye. I caught my breath and stared. She looked old, again. So, it was true. She really is growing up. Tonight she was wearing a trendy, plaid, button down shirt , sparkly skinny jeans, and grown up tennis shoes. Gone are the days of caricature T-shirts and tennies. She had fixed her own hair in a sparkly headband and side ponytail, her new, usual do. She smiled and I could see where her two new bottom teeth are coming in. Another sign that things are changing. My heart is breaking and bursting with love for this growing girl, all at the very same time. I suppose that is what mothering is all about. Remembering the past, yet allowing them to spread their wings a bit more each year. Have no fear, she is still my sweet and silly almost six and a half year old, with a large emphasis on the silly. But every once in a while there are glimpses of the girl that she is becoming, and those glimpses take this mama's breath away.

Thank you God, for the gift of my children, and thank you for the privilege of watching them grow. Help me not to take one year, one month, one week, hour, or minute for granted. Remind me each day that time together is precious. Amen.

*** For my mommy memory: At six years old, Emma weighs in at 38 pounds and is 45 inches tall. She is still a tiny thing, but is growing taller by the day! ***

In the Quiet

2010-11-02T22:54:00.008-04:00

As I sit here typing, everyone else is in bed and the house is quiet. Because our home houses nine people and two furry animals, it can often be quite a chaotic place during the day, but the late evenings are mine. I do look forward to the day when Boss and I can retire for the evening at the same time again, but for this season, it is simply easier for me to stay up until Mister Man's last feeding of the night. I used to dread the quiet of the evening. I did not like the stillness. It gave me too much time to think. During the first year after the births of each of my daughters, late nights would be the hardest time for me emotionally. Along with the stillness and quiet would always come the anxiety. But this time around? This time around, things are different. Now I view this quiet time alone as a precious gift.

You see, often times the days are just about doing. Rushing, rushing, rushing, going here and there. Changing diapers, giving bottles, reading aloud, wiping bottoms, teaching arithmetic, making lunches, returning phone calls, folding laundry, and correcting behavior. Sometimes it feels as though there is not even enough time for me to catch my breath! But that's okay. I thrive on busy days, on mothering, on helping others, and generally on being surrounded by people. I suppose that is why the unique lifestyle of house parenting suites me. Being a people person comes very naturally to me. But it took a long time for me to enjoy being with only myself. It took a long time for me to appreciate the quiet.

I am not sure why the quiet used to bother me so much. Perhaps it is because I did not know who I was back then. I was a young, overwhelmed, wife and mother who was searching for her place in this world, and when I was "busy" I could pretend that I had this thing called life figured out. But in the quiet moments, it was evident that all I was doing was pretending. In reality, I had no clue! All I knew was that I wanted to be somebody in this world. I wanted to make a difference and lead a life that mattered. Mediocrity was not an option. I wanted a happy life lived with no regrets. During my busy days I could pretend that I had all of this! But in the quiet, the Enemy would attack. "You're a nobody," he would say. "There are a million mom's on this planet." " What makes you any different?". "Your life is not making a difference." "You're only living to please yourself. To earn recognition for your name." And therein lied my problem. The Enemy was right. I did want all of those things. To be somebody, to make a name for myself, to matter. But I wanted them for my glory. To make myself feel better. I had it all wrong! And that is why I did not like the quiet. When all of my busyness was stripped away, I did not like the person who I was.

But God has been teaching me a lot this past year. He has been teaching me about living for His glory instead of my own. He has been teaching me that the only way to be somebody in this world, is to be somebody in His name. For His sake. He is in the process of showing me that the only way to find true happiness and contentment is to die to myself, every single day. And He is showing me all of this in the quiet. And suddenly it is not so scary anymore. There have been many changes in my heart these past several months about what(Who) I want my life to stand for, and how I want to live my life. I have been sharing my heart with Boss, and we have been talking and praying about some changes that need to be made in the way our family lives the life that we have been given together. I am excited to see where He will take us on this adventure of growing, changing, and stretching our lives. So I will continue to seek Him in the quiet, because now He is meeting me there and I am no longer afraid.

November

2010-11-01T23:38:00.005-04:00

Happy November, yall! Whew. October was a whirlwind of a month here in our neck of the woods, and last week alone was enough to make this mama's head spin. In addition to the girls Halloween dance and our campus Halloween party, we also attended our church family's fall festival/trunk-or-treat, had a pumpkin painting party, and trick-or-treated in Grammy and Da's neighborhood last night. The only things we did not get to do on our "Halloween" list for the month of October was to visit the local fruit farm to pick apples (though we will still make plenty of apple cobblers this coming season!) and carve jack-o-lanterns. I feel quite badly about not making that last item happen. Definitely won't be winning mom of the year anytime soon! Oh, well. Lord willing, there is always next year! Last night I breathed a deep sigh of relief when the girls took off their costumes for the last time and we retired everything to the dress-up clothes bin. Another successful and fun holiday under our belts, and more sweet memories etched on our hearts and minds. So long, Halloween 2010. And welcome November!

Today I was so excited to take down our Halloween decorations and CLEAN! I boxed up the decorations we had out, tossed all of the pumpkins into the garbage can (we were up to 16 pumpkins on our front porch!), cleaned the main level of the house (including purging all of the countertops of papers that had accumulated), and then set out our few meager Thanksgiving decorations. I have long debated over whether I wanted to be one of those people who decorates for Christmas in November, since it is the most magical holiday of the year, but alas, I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I can't eat our turkey dinner, while watching the lights blinking on the tree. It just doesn't feel right, so I compromise by actually decorating for Thanksgiving itself. It makes me feel better. :) We do, however, put our outside lights up in November while the weather is a bit warmer, and we also start watching our collection of Christmas movies. We just can't seem to wait for those. Every November first, out comes the movie Elf so that we can watch it 3,492 times this Christmas season. Just kidding. Sort of.

So that is what we have been up to. Soaking up the last of October, beginning to prepare our minds for Christmas, doing a little schooling here and there, snuggling, teaching Jack Ryan how to crawl. You know. Just living life and thanking God for each day that we have been given together. These really are the good days!

Happy Halloween!!!

2010-10-31T21:57:00.000-04:00

Love Emma, Kate, and Jack

Party Pictures

2010-10-29T17:26:00.003-04:00

Halloween 2010 - Raised On Country Sunshine Style

2010-10-28T22:53:00.011-04:00

Tonight we had our annual Halloween party for the children's home, so we all got dressed up and had a spooky good time. There was trick-or-treating, yummy food (like hot dog worms and apple fangs), games involving ogre fangs, ghost poop, and rat eyeballs,and a costume contest. Fun was had by all!

This year I decided to do something crazy. I let my kids pick out their own Halloween costumes. GASP! I know. Usually I come up with a smashing theme months in advance, and then I send my children subliminal messages and steadily convince them (some might call it manipulation) that they want to be what I am suggesting. Then when Halloween actually rolls around, they want to be said costume that Mama has been talking about for months, and it was like it was their idea all along. This plan worked quite nicely for me for the past several years. One year we were lady bugs, the next year coordinating witch/pumpkin costumes, the next The Wizard of Oz theme, and then last year both girls were fairies. But then Emma turned six going on sixteen, and with this new age came an opinion about everything. Including Halloween costumes. And when she spotted the costume she chose (at Wal-Mart, no less, in a little plastic bag!), she just had to have it. Nothing else would do. So I finally caved and let both girls pick a costume of their own choosing. I tried to convince them that matching colors would be nice, but even that did not fly. Oh, well. At least I still have Jack!

Alas, I present to you, the Z three, Halloween 2010:

Sassy Senorita Emma

Cute Cowgirl Kate

And Jack-o-lantern Jack!

They actually all ended up looking quite precious. I may even go wild and crazy and let the madness of the children selecting their own costumes happen again next year. We shall see.

In other news, our house (meaning Boss, the big girls, and I) came up with a very cute theme this year for the costume contest. We were the spice girls! We had Cinnamon, Ginger, Nutmeg, and Pumpkin Spice! I was All Spice (because, really, I'm all that) and even Boss participated by letting us dress him up as Old Spice. It was fun and my big girls had so much fun working on their costumes! Our house won the prize for the funniest costume. Yeah! We are already planning for next year :).

P.S. Pretty please ignore that the photos showing my children's Halloween costumes also reveal that we have lived in our new home on campus for five months now, yet we still have no baseboards! Have no fear though, they have been purchased and are sitting in the garage. Now we just need them installed and I can quit showing you photos with unfinished floors! Whew! I know that has been bothering you :).

BOOtiful Dancing Ghouls

2010-10-28T22:29:00.006-04:00

These are my bootiful dancing ghouls, er, my beautiful dancing girls!This week in dance class the girls both got to wear their Halloween costumes and dance in a Halloween dance for their Mama and Daddy (and Grammy and Da).

Presenting Emma, my Sassy Senorita. Her class danced to the Monster Mash. It was spooky and spicy, and she had soo much fun! Pure joy on her face when she is dancing.

Next came Kate, my cutie-patootie cowgirl in her sparkling pink cowgirl hat. Her class danced to the Ghostbusters theme song. It was stinkin' cute.

What can I say? Being a girl Mama is fun, fun, fun! I love you my BOOtiful Ghouls!

It Takes A Village

2010-10-21T23:06:00.004-04:00

You know that old saying, "It takes a village to raise a child"? Well, I am going to change that old saying to read, "It takes a village to live life". Because it does. And I am so thankful for this "village" that surrounds me, and that surrounds my family, as we walk through life each day. For several days now I have tried to come up with words to describe to you the love that I have for the people who surround me each day, only words have failed me. Tonight I will try again.

The people that I work with are not just my coworkers and neighbors. They are even more than just my friends. To me, they are like family, and they bless me each day more than you will ever know. I am surrounded by people with hearts of a servant. They often give unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. For instance, it is not uncommon for me to walk down my stairs in the morning to find a plate of hot breakfast waiting for me on the table. Just because. In this past month alone, my children have come home from an outing on two different occasions to find goodies waiting for them on the front porch. Once Halloween treat buckets, and just today, two plates of delicious homemade sugar cookies. And last week? They parked their bikes outside the office and came out to find a shiny new windmill in the handlebars of each one. I have neighbors who will pull up my trashcans and let my dog out to use the bathroom if I am running late. I have neighbors who will make my portion of our staff lunch (even though they are not on the staff and will not be eating said lunch) simply because I am having a stressful week and they see that I could use a tiny break. I have neighbors who have offered to take my son for a night because he is not sleeping well and they would like to offer me a night of rest. I have neighbors who fed me (and my entire crew of ten people) every. single. night. for the entire last month that I was pregnant with Jack. I have neighbors who sew clothes for my children and leave them on my dining room table for me to find as a happy. And these are only the examples that I am thinking of off the top of my head.

These people come alongside me and they live life with me. They truly are the very best group of people that I know. I am privileged to call them my friends. Thank you, God, for this village. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it. Help me to bless and serve others as they have blessed and served me!

Fall Fun 2

2010-10-18T21:53:00.004-04:00

Last Friday we visited local pumpkin patch number two, and this time we went with our friends and fellow homeschoolers. Fun! I would love to tell you all that we turned our outing into an educational field trip about how pumpkins grow and how crops are harvested, or something like that, but that would be a lie. Instead, we just had plain, old fashioned fun! The children played on all of the wooden structures, visited with all of the animals, and ventured into the corn maze with super Ms. Jenny. My children love, love, love their friends and every moment that they get to spend with them. This works out perfectly for me since I love their momma's. It's a win-win situation!

(Sweet Sisters)

(The Gang)

(Cheese!)

(Besties)

Seven Month Update

2010-10-16T21:37:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, our boy turned seven months old. I am finding that hard to believe. One of my sweet friends daughter, Allye, said yesterday, "It really is hard to remember life without Jack!". She is oh, so right! With each one of my children's births into our family, life's abundant blessings have increased ten fold. Jack's addition to our family was no different. Life is just better with him in it!

Jack Ryan Huston,

Oh, how I love you little man! I love your rolls, your soft, big brown eyes, your contagious smile, and the way that you grab my face when you are happy to see me. You have really grown and changed this past month! I say to your daddy all the time, that I do believe this has been the biggest month for you to date. Let's see. What's new?

Well, you got your first two teeth! They are both on the bottom, and you look like a sweet little JACK-o-lantern when you grin! You also learned how to roll completely over this month. Before you would only roll from your tummy onto your back before getting angry and stuck. Now you can roll your chubby little body any which way you please. You can also sit up now and it is a whole new world for you! You no longer want to be strapped down for anything. I let you ride in the front of the shopping cart (instead of in your carrier) this week, and you smiled at everyone that we passed. You were happy to be up and free! You are turning into a busy, busy little boy. Mister Man, you love to eat baby food, and I do believe you have sampled most everything now. The only thing you are not too crazy about are green vegetables. You are your mothers child :).

The only negative thing would be that your sleeping habits are struggling a little bit right now. Clearly you missed the memo about how much sleep your Mama needs. Have no fear,I will resend it to you. You are no longer the little boy who will sleep anytime, anywhere. If you miss a nap you get overly tired and things get ugly. Sometimes the only solution is to put you in your bed and let you cry it out. Usually you are asleep within minutes. The problem seems to be that you have now started wanting to eat in the middle of the night again, and are waking earlier to eat as well. We love spending time with you buddy, but seriously, this needs to stop. :). Mama is hoping that this is just a little growth spurt and that things will return to normal soon!

This past week we packed away your baby swing and your bouncer and infant car seat are soon to follow. Right before our eyes you are turning into a chubby, sweet, rather grown up looking baby boy. Watching you grow and change melts my heart with sadness, yet fills it with an indescribable pride and joy at the very same time. I feel so thankful and blessed that you are mine!

Love, Mama

Hiking Hocking Hills

2010-10-11T19:06:00.011-04:00

This past weekend was our monthly weekend of respite, so we headed to the hills with Grammy and Da.

The drive there was breath taking. The leaves are in the process of changing and the colors ranged from yellow, to orange, to red.

We hiked down to Old Man's Cave, played in streams, jumped in piles of leaves, and ate what will probably be our last ice cream cone of the season.

That night we stayed in a log cabin in the woods. We lit a fire, roasted marshmellows, listened to Da's campfire story, dipped in the hot tub, and played Domino's until the wee hours.

The next day we rode on an old fashioned train and enjoyed even more fall colors.

Before driving back to our little country home.

These are the moments that life is made of.

Fall Fun 1

2010-10-05T18:35:00.005-04:00

One of my favorite things about living in Ohio is the abundance of pumpkin patches in our area. Seriously. They are everywhere, and I love it. This year my girls and I have made it our mission to visit and explore as many as we possibly can. Today we started with our first one. It was only about ten minutes from our home and it was oh, so very fun! Grammy and Da met us there and we had a great time. We slid down slides, did the hay maze, walked through the sunflower fields, posed for Momma's 1,000 photo's, completed the corn maze, and selected pumpkins. Super, duper fun. This is hands down the best season of the year. Love it.

A Simple Saturday

2010-10-02T21:43:00.002-04:00

Today was a simple Saturday in our home. Sometimes I think those are the very best kinds. For starters, all three children slept past seven in the morning, which is pretty much a little slice of heaven for Boss and I. Sweet Jack Ryan even went ten hours straight in his pack n' play without even needing a paci put back in or a bottom patted or anything. He is sleeping so well these days, and I am so thankful for a healthy, happy baby. Once we were all up and dressed we went and ran some Saturday errands. We got some new wheels (to be shared in another post) and then we headed to the mall in search of polo shirts. One of our big girls must start wearing school uniforms come Monday, so we were on a hunt! We all enjoyed being out and being together, big girls included. After errands, we came home for about an hour before heading to a church family hay ride. It drizzled and was so cold the whole time, but my little girls smiles were enough to warm me up! They got to go on a hay ride with their daddy and then our sweet neighbor Mr. Aaron took them on a canoe ride around the lake. Their first ever. Yeah, it's safe to say they pretty much think Mr. Aaron rocks. He also takes all of the little children bike riding, plays Aggie Ball with them, and pushes them on his tire swing in the back yard. We have the coolest neighbors ever. I am so thankful for where we are living and raising our family. Most people think I give up a lot to live here and serve and bless others, and I always tell them if you only knew how others serve me on a daily basis, you would know that I am the one who is blessed! On the drive home tonight I was thinking about just how grateful I feel for this life that I lead. I have so many blessings. Most of which are not deserved. We ended our day with slipper jammies (footed zip up pajamas) for Kate, one of daddies big T-shirts for Emma, a fuzzy sleeper for Jack Ryan, and cups of cocoa all around (except, you know, for the baby). This simple Saturday was pretty super.

Happy Fall Y'all

2010-09-30T18:02:00.006-04:00

See this litte guy right here? He wanted to wish y'all a happy fall. Isn't he just precious? And he is wearing his signature color, orange, to be fitting for the season. What a guy. He is super stylish like that.

There. Now that you have officially been offered a "Happy Fall Y'all" from our little guy, please allow me to officially welcome you to our home. Our home that has been decorated for fall. Can I just share that I LOVE decorating for seasons and holidays? I do, I do. There is just something so special and festive to me to be in a home that is decorated especially for important seasons and holidays. And I love seeing the excitement in the children's eyes when they walk into our home and it is bursting with color and decorations for the season. So without further ado, a tour in pictures of our home. Take a look around!

Thanks for stopping by! And, Happy Fall Y'all!

Delicious

2010-09-29T12:39:00.010-04:00

Whew! It has been a long three days! However, the days have been pretty delicious, as far as days go. On Sunday night I stayed up w-A-y too late looking on Etsy at baby clothes and hats. It makes me want to have dozens of children so I can dress them all in those tiny, precious hats. Delicious. And, I have no doubt that if I were a millionaire I would give some of my money to charity and the rest of it would go to Etsy. Just sayin'. But alas, I am not a millionaire. But I do have a wonderful friend that sews! I have already requested that she make me some of those delicious little boy onesies with the ties appliqued on. I am envisioning a photo shoot with Mister Man wearing his little onesie featuring a tie with fall colors on it, sitting on my delicious orange bench in the middle of the lane. Pure deliciousness! Okay, enough about Etsy and delicious baby hats and clothes.

On Monday my parents took all of the littles to ballet lessons for the day so that I could have a delicious few hours to myself. It was much needed! First on my agenda? An hour nap in my new king sized bed. Delicious. There is just something special about getting to close your eyes in the middle of the day. Next up? A delicious bubble bath. After that I went out to run errands and got my first hot drink from Starbucks for the season. Caramel Apple Spice. Delicious. Then I went to Target. My favorite store on the planet. I could seriously go there every. single. day and never get tired of walking the aisles. I bought my children matching outfits for pictures in the pumpkin patch this fall season. They will look sweet, and adorable, and delicious, I have no doubt. Then I came home to delicious hugs and kisses from my littles. And that night for supper? Boss made his super yummo chili. Our first pot of the season. While some do not care for this dish (he makes it with more of a sweet/tangy/barbeque sauce) in our home it is a family favorite. Add some cheese, sour cream, and fritos and you have a bowl of pure deliciousness. It was a deliciouss day to be sure.

Yesterday, however, was not so delicious. We got a call late Monday night that Boss's dad, our Papaw, had had a heart attack and was not doing well. So yesterday we loaded up the sheep (our she jeep) and drove to spend the day at the hospital. Papaw had a procedure today, and it seems to be helping. He now has a stint in all four of his arteries, I believe. We hope he gets better soon. So while yesterday could have been long and tiresome, and we all could have been cranky, we decided to focus on the delicious aspects of the day, instead. For one, we got to make the drive to Boss's parents town an hour away. With the leaves starting to change, it is one of my most favorite drives. It is deliciously beautiful, and with all of the tickle bumps (that's what my little girls call the hills) thrown in it was just about perfect. Another delicious detail? Because of Papaw's surgery, Boss got an unexpected day off from work, and we spent the entire day together as a family of five. That is always delicious to me. And then Emma and I finished the day with our Tuesday night delicious Duggar Date.

And today is turning out to be just as delicious! I actually had to turn the heat on (just for a tiny bit this morning) to take the chill out of the main level of the house so that we could school. The first heat of the season is delicious to me. Then we schooled at the table and snacked on bagels and apple butter for lunch. Homeschooling and apple butter are incredibly delicious. And baby boy has been napping for over three hours now. That is delicious with a capitol D. Happy Wednesday, friends. Determine to make today delicious.

A Chosen Path

2010-09-26T22:21:00.005-04:00

Do you ever wonder which path God is going to lead you down next in life? This is something that I think about often, as thus far He has taken me on a pretty wild ride. Never in a million years did I think that I would be a married mother of three and a therapeutic foster parent to over 35 teenagers at the ripe old age of 28. Okay, that's not all true. I prayed with all of my heart that I would be married young with a house full of babies to raise and love, but the teenager part? Sometimes I wonder. How the heck did I get here? Why me? What makes Him think I am cut out for this? Particularly on the rough days. But then God gently reminds me that it is by His grace that I am here. His leading. His plans for my life, which far surpass anything that I could have ever dreamed up on my own. It is easier to see the big picture when looking backwards. Now that I am here, it can be pretty cool to look back at how I got here. But the getting here was tough. I won't lie. And sometimes it's still tough.

There are days when I question His chosen path for my life. Days when it seems like I am only traveling through dense forests, and there is not enough sunlight shining down on my path. Days when I long to raise my family in our own home, keeping our own schedules instead of planning our weekends around everyone elses, creating our own memories and traditions, and just being together any which way we want at any time we choose. Days when everyone elses paths look a whole lot better than mine. I dream of the easy life of our simple family of five, fully knowing that even if we were not on this path or in this work that life would not be "easy". These are just the lies that Satan tries to get me to believe. If we were in any other place in life he would just use something else to distract me. To try to get me to leave this chosen path. To draw me to his path. Because his path looks all glittery and sparkly. It promises that life will be full of roses and rainbows, without any of that nonsense of thorns or rain. It says, choose this path where I will qive you the quick fix! The easy way out! And sadly, I have seen many people fall for his lies. They leave God's path for something that looks better, or easier, and while things might be good for awhile, in the end they get burned.

Because really, there is only one Path. And that is God's path. The path He carefully selects for each of us, crafting it with His plans for our life in mind. And then He gently sets it before us. The trick is that it is our choice whether we will follow His path or not. God doesn't promise us that it will be easy. In fact, He promises that it will not. But he also promises that He will not leave us or forsake us, as we travel this path that He has laid out for us. And in the end, the reward will be great. Far greater than even roses or rainbows.

So I remind myself of this when the going gets tough. I remind myself that to serve others I am actually serving God. When I am tired of tantrums and back talk? I remind myself that I throw tantrums and give back talk to God All. The. Time. And He forgives me. When I get anxiety over filth being brought into my home by dirty people who have not been cared for? When I want to run for the hills or lock all of my doors and windows to keep the dirty parts of life out? I remind myself that if it wasn't for my Savior that I would be dirty too. And on the days where I can't seem to find anything good at all? I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, praying, and trusting that soon there will come a bend in the path and then He will lead me in a new direction. Yes, it's been a wild ride. And I know there will be rough traveling days ahead. But I am determined to stay on this path. Trusting Him with one day at a time.

A Challenge for This Week: Ask God to show you this week what path He would have your life to be on for this season. Are you on it? If not, how will you get there to better align your plans for your life with His will for your life? What lie is Satan using to try and distract you to lead you away from God's chosen path? I am praying these thoughts for myself this week!

P.S. That picture up there? Yeah, I live there. It's okay to be jealous :). Maybe my path is not so bad afterall!